Dr. Meenen
From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe
| |
| Doing what she must, for the good of all of us. * | |
| Dr. Meenen | |
| Player: Just zis guy, you know? | |
| Origin: | Science |
|---|---|
| Archetype: | Stalker |
| Threat Level: | 50 |
| Personal Data | |
| Real Name: | Rebecca Z. Meenen, M.D. |
| Known Aliases: | Doc, Meener, Scary Lady |
| Species: | Altered Human |
| Age: | 34 |
| Height: | 5'4" |
| Weight: | 135 lbs. |
| Eye Color: | Green |
| Hair Color: | Black |
| Biographical Data | |
| Nationality: | German/Irish |
| Occupation: | Mad Doctor |
| Place of Birth: | Hoboken, New Jersey |
| Base of Operations: | Spider City, Grandville |
| Marital Status: | Ill-defined |
| Known Relatives: | Karl and Brenda Meenen (parents), Sean Meenen (brother), Becky Meenen (praetorian double) |
| Known Powers | |
| Extensive genetic and surgical modification; able to extrude slashing weapons and flechettes from forearms; can attain near-perfect invisibility to the visual spectrum | |
| Known Abilities | |
| Skilled surgeon and scientist; '02 graduate of Josef Mengele's School of Playing God | |
| Equipment | |
| Lab coat and jumpsuit, modified Arachnos mace, various stolen or invented gadgets | |
| * Except the ones who are dead. | |
Contents |
A History of Greatness
Rebecca Zebulon Meenen was born in Hoboken, New Jersey, in March of 1973. Her childhood was unremarkable, aside from a general unwillingness to socialize with other children (preferring instead to play with her My First Invasive Surgery Kit), and her teen years were spent in the high school library poring over medical encyclopedias.
But instead of just paging through the chapters concerning reproductive anatomy and giggling, her intention was to actually learn something. For you see, Meenen wasn't your average gawky tomboy who wanted to be a doctor, nor was she your average gawky tomboy who wanted to be a scientist - she was a gawky tomboy who'd somehow gotten the idea that she wanted to be a doctor AND a scientist. And maybe it was her determination, maybe it was the hours of study, or maybe it was the adolescent onset of Metahuman Savant Syndrome, but it began to look like she was actually going to pull it off.
However, her shot at a prestigious scholarship to an equally prestigious university turned tragic when her entry to the Hoboken Science Rodeo attained critical mass, vaporizing every contestant within fifteen meters and annihilating the souls[1] of the rest. The survivors went on to become influential energy industry pioneers, while Meenen - who was standing behind a lead shield - had the lower half of her face sloughed off by ionizing radiation. Whoops![2]
Fortunately, the disaster qualified her for a completely different scholarship, and Meenen spent the next ten years in Argentina attending Josef Mengele's School of Playing God.
The rest is history.
Fantastic Abilities
Knives
Meenen likes knives.
She likes them a whole lot.
In fact, she likes them so much that she embarked on a lengthy and painful journey of self-modification to imbue herself with many knife-based metahuman talents.
Offense
In combat, the good Doctor has the ability to sprout incredibly sharp blades from her forearms with which to hew people in half, quickly and violently remove obstacles, or cut steaks with surgical precision. These blades can also be detached mid-swing to act as flechettes,[3] after which Meenen will simply grow more.
The process behind this phenomenon is unknown; either it's nanotechnological in nature, and she creates knives from base matter, or it's surgical, and she's just plain full of knives.[4]
Defense
Meenen is able to attain almost total invisibility to the conventional visual spectrum, which she uses to surprise her foes and evade attacks. But rather than mucking about with electromagnetic fields or bending light, Meenen's skin simply exudes trillions of microscopic knives that seek out and murder any photons foolish enough to approach.
Superhuman Intellect
Meenen is exceptionally intelligent, and holds multiple doctorates in various fields of scientific and medical study. Not only is she smarter than you, she's smarter than your mother, with whom she regularly engages in recreational intercourse.[5]
Doctoring
Meenen's surgical prowess borders on the supernatural, although she lacks the ability to administer any sort of field medicine beyond amputation and phlebotomy. In late 2006, she purchased one of the many faceless storefronts in Grandville, and offers her expertise to those willing to pay for it. Services range from simple medical treatment to cybernetic limb replacement to various extreme body modification procedures.[6]
Cash only, no refunds. Ask about our 'Bring Your Own Dead Hobo' special today!
Sciencing
The good Doctor is also an avid woman of science, occasionally passing the hours by experimenting with high energy physics or seeing how many tennis balls she can teleport into the lungs of a passerby before they notice. As it turns out, the answer is "not very many."
Ask about our foreign object removal procedures today!
Adorable Miscellany
Innate Musical Genius
In 1994, Meenen and several of her JMU peers formed a band the likes of which had never been seen. They called themselves Facts Concerning The Not Quite Late John Archibald Wheeler and his Einstein-Rosen Bridge Over the Scarred and Mutilated Flesh of a Thousand Waiver-Signing Fools (reached through group consensus over the course of several months), and they played ska. Among their number were:
- Eva Malice - Guitar, Incoherent Screaming
- Rebecca Meenen - Bass, Backup Incoherent Screaming
- Mutilatron 6500 - Piano, High-Pitched Robotic Trilling
- Beatriz Enfuego - Drums, Pyrotechnics, Backup Backup Incoherent Screaming
- Archcount Contessa Von Trucidae - Saxophone, Live Animal Sacrifices, Catering
Their first - and only - single, 'Blowout Orbit Fracture (Cranial Meatsplosion),' was regarded across the entire campus as possibly the loudest and most schizophrenically-written song ever conceived of by human minds.[7] Shortly afterwards, Mutilatron 6500 declared that such activities were beneath it, and bisected Contessa with its laser vision before embarking on a three day rampage through Buenos Aires.
Lyrics
BLOWOUT ORBIT FRACTURE
Somewhere in the darkness
A man lies bleeding
Lit by the fires of the sun
Which is actually a star
You should rent a limo
And go see for yourself
(Meenen)
Blowout orbit fracture
A cranial meatsplosion
(Beatriz)
Blowout orbit fracture
Societal erosion
(Eva)
Blowout orbit fracture
Something that ends in '-osion'
(All)
Blowout orbit fracture
Kill kill kill kill
Once I knew a man
No, I made that part up
Sometimes balloons aren't funny
When they're made of children
I made that up, too
Drown in the blood of weasels
Blowout orbit fracture
The universe is lies
It says it has candy
In its unmarked box van
But it's not really candy
It's DEATH-DEATH-DEATH
(Meenen)
Blowout orbit fracture
Cranial meatsplosion
(Beatriz)
Blowout orbit fracture
Now I say erosion
(Eva)
Blowout orbit fracture
Where is your god now
(All)
Blowout orbit fracture
Kill kill kill kill
I can see the hearts of man
All the evil lurking
This is because I am the Shadow
No, that was that guy
The guy with the face
He had a hat, too
Fracture fracture fracture
Feel the head trauma
Bone fragments explode
Piercing your frontal lobe
Now you lie in bed
Peeing through a tube
(Meenen)
Blowout orbit fracture
Feel the explosion
(Beatriz)
Blowout orbit fracture
Erosion-rosion-rosion
(Eva)
(Screams for twenty seconds)
(All)
Blowout orbit fracture
Kill kill kill kill
BLOWOUT ORBIT FRACTURE
KILL KILL KILL KILL
BLOWOUT
ORBIT
FRACTURE
(Mutilatron)
Kill
Kill
Kill
Kill
Kill
Kill
Kill
(fades out)
The JMU Tour
Summary
During a school-sponsored reunion-slash-lecture tour, on which she was keynoted to give several talks about her work in the field of metahuman tissue grafting, Meenen found herself embroiled in an ill-defined conspiracy of little to no consequence.[1] With the help of ex-bandmate Eva Malice[8], the two solved the murder of Meenen's mentor (Dr. Malachi Verschuer, who was later revealed to be the secret identity of supervillain Dr. Malpractice) and stopped a sleeper cell of Fifth Column agents from releasing a nanomechanical plague.
Wait, what?
Well, it never would have worked in the first place because the critical component - developed years earlier by Dr. Verschuer - actually contained a recording that addressed the lead Column scientist by name. Plus a whole lot of C4. It was totally sweet when it went off!
Huh?
... well, I guess... I guess he always suspected he'd be killed for his work. Or something? Look, I don't know!
Don't look at me like that.
Wasn't Longbow there, too?
Yeah! There was totally a conspiracy! A bunch of low-ranking Longbow officers came up with the idea to pick a random supervillain to apprehend to further their own careers, because they were a bunch of corrupt bastards who kept getting in trouble for trampling on the freedoms of the citizens they were supposed to protect!
So why weren't they fired?
Because Longbow has a 67% mortality rate and they need as many warm bodies as they can possibly drum up.
But wait, isn't it their job to apprehend supervillains?
Shut up.
Hey, wasn't Arbiter Daos there?
We don't like to talk about Arbiter Daos.
And the other students?
They were a bunch of forgettable losers who served only as joke fodder. Like the prank war in the beginning. Boy, it sure was funny when they stole Eva's door, and then Meenen released poisonous snakes in their room! So very funny.
What was the deal with Eva, anyway?
Through the course of their adventure, Meenen and Eva grew rather fond of each other. And when two people love each other very much, they're completely inseparable until the initial excitement has passed, after which they start to notice things about their partner that they'd somehow managed to miss. And these things are just absolutely intolerably annoying and goddamnit can we just sit down and have one completely normal conversation for once?! You're tearing this family apart!
Things got weird, didn't they?
Yeah. Things got weird.
Well, that was useless.
Honestly, the whole thing may as well have not happened at all.
Footnotes
- ↑ The existence of souls was proven in 1986 by the supervillain Dr. Malpractice, who revealed that he had secretly replaced Newark's entire power grid with a room-sized reactor containing the souls of a thousand orphans. Few if any people cared, and the device is still running to this day.
- ↑ Meenen later remarked that the incident was, quote, "totally my bad."
- ↑ The word 'flechette' is French for 'sweet merciful Buddha I can no longer feel my legs oh dear is that my blood'
- ↑ There is a 98.3% probability that Meenen is full of knives either way. Do not accept hugs from Dr. Meenen.
- ↑ You just got told. Oh snap, boyeeee.
- ↑ When the Doctor says that a procedure is impossible, it does not mean she won't gladly take your money and attempt it anyway upon your insistence. Always listen to the Doctor.
- ↑ Blowout Orbit Fracture was never actually performed, and was only practiced once. The campus-wide reaction to the song was thanks to the raw power of Dr. Enfuego's deuterium-powered amplifiers.
- ↑ Beatriz couldn't come because she was languishing in prison after setting Talos Island on fire. Sucks for her!
This legitimate article is not a stub, but Businessmen can improve its legitimacy anyway by adding some wankery.
