Walter, or the Phantom Operative, was created as a way for me to get my foot in the door, and make my mark with all the 'cool kids' in Pocket D.
As the twig is bent, so grows the tree... does this look a little crooked to you?
So, you've sat me down here and asked me to do this whole interview thing...hey, can you loosen these? ...my wrists hurt. Ahh, thanks. So, anyway, where was I? Oh right...the interview. Well, I guess I should start by talkin' about where I came from. They usually start with that. You ever been to Tallahassee? I grew up there, with my mom and pops...unfortunately for me, I don't think I was actually planned. People do that now, right? Planned pregnancy? I always liked the spontaneity of not knowin', y'know? "Oh, hoooneeyyyy...guess who's not gettin' the boat he's been savin' up for!!" Heheh...that's because she's pregnant...I dunno if you had picked up on that or not...anyway!!
So there I am...the unwanted kid in good ol' Tampa Bay. Dad was a salesman, so he was never around...I never understood what he kept in the basement, but...thinkin' back, who has a car lot in the basement?! I dunno... So, I was the quiet kid in school right? Yeah, yeah, believe it or not...-I- was the quiet kid. The girls loved me...can you put that in bold print...yeah, yeah, the 'love' part...yeah, they loved me that much...good, good...anyway!! Sooo...there was this one chick...Sally...no, I didn't make it up...what, man, Sally's a common name!! Suzie!! That better? Geez...buncha ingrates...so, I'm with Suzie, right? I'm fourteen so...y'know, I'm totally into the girls now...not that I was into dudes before...we're kids, man. So, Stacy and I, we're walkin' home from school, and when we get to my place, well...mom's wailin' like a dang banshee! Awe, dude, that's gross...it was a painful wail!! Not like...ew...thanks for that.
Anyway, we walk up the steps, through the front door, and into the kitchen...yeah, it was a small house...so, my dad, he's goin' to town...*sighs*...he's beatin' my mom up like she ate all the Cap'n Crunch!! So, me, bein' the most heroic fourteen year old ever...I kinda get inbetween 'em, but my dad, he knocks me down and just keeps punchin' on my moms. So, I did what any ninja kid woulda done...I stabbed my dad in the neck with a pencil...or was it a fork...doesn't matter!! So, I've got blood all over my hands, my dad's freakin' out, and mom...well, mom's not doin' so good...so, my dad, freakin' out, tosses the pot of water my mom had been boilin', for whatever reason, into my face...and well...I think Sarah had ran away by this time because I couldn't find her through all the meltin' face flesh I had goin' on.
To make a long story short...zip it...my dad dies from total loss of blood...not that he lost his blood totally, but...whatever. Mom was sent to the hospital...where she didn't make it...and I'm stuck with a face only a mother could love...only I don't have a mother!! *sobs*
The story listed above has yet to be proven and should not be taken as factual events.
Personality, or "Who am I here?
Walter's personality is all over the place. He can be the nicest and funniest guy you'll ever meet...or he can decide in a heartbeat that he doesn't like you, and you deserve to die. The latter doesn't happen all that often anymore, since he stopped taking his meds. He's been described as being homicidal, suicidal, schizophrenic, narcissistic and delusional, but still manages to make people smile...or cry, depending on the circumstance.
I take pride in what I do, and what I do is -Ow!- ... You shot me!
Walter talks a lot, especially for a self-proclaimed ninja master. However, he does have a laundry list of abilities and 'powers', including but not limited to the following:
- Kenjutsu: Somewhere throughout his life, Walter has studied and mastered Kenjutsu, the art of Japanese swordsmanship.
- Ninjutsu: Along with sword mastery, Walter has also attained a considerable amount of training in Ninjutsu, the traditional Japanese art of espionage.
- Gun Fu: Though Walter has mastered this style of gunfighting, he often chooses not to display it, due to the overabundance of gunslingers as of late.
- Invisibility: While this tactic goes hand in hand with Ninjutsu, Walter uses a more technological method, employing the use of a stealthing device he stole from one of his targets, some time ago.
- Accelerated Metabolism: Though some would call this a 'healing factor', Walter finds the term overused and ridiculously elementary. Regardless, this heightened regeneration is Walter's primary mutation and makes him virtually indestructable. While he can be damaged and pushed well beyond the borders of death, Walter always manages to piece himself back together.
I got friends, right guys? .... Guys..?
Walter has never been good at making friends. His mouth always seems to get in the way of that. Luckily, he managed to find a few folks that could see past his stupidity and his dimwitted facade.
Lobotomize - Walter met Lobby in the D...where else? His first impression of her was that she was hot, and...well, crazy. Of course, Walter felt the need to pursue her, flirting and constantly being around her. After dodging his attempts time and time again, Lobby finally caved in to his awesomeness, and the two started dating...until she tried to kill him...repeatedly.
Des - Des was Walter's first true love. It may seem strange that none of Walter's friends have ever met this woman, but Walter has his reasons. He doesn't remember when they first met, not that she'd expect him to, but all he knows is that she's seen the person behind the mask, and she's accepted every part of what makes him who he is.
Alissa - Alissa recently died while out on one of her escapades, which left Walter a little in shock when he first heard. After receiving word, however, that she had left him everything she owned, including a large sum of money, he got over it.
Simi'Kraz - Simi, or Sims, as Walter calls her, was another one that Walter thought was special. The first time she asked Walter to remove his mask, she called him 'beautiful'. A very brief relationship followed and Walter's loved her ever since. And though they've had a bit of a falling out, Walter still makes it a point to be near her when she's present.
Lia MacKay - "She's hot!" was Walter's first impression of Lia, and without a doubt a bit of stalking/harrassing ensued. Little did Walter know that he'd found a bit of a kindred spirit in Lia...she's funny, witty, and equally sarcastic. He cares for her and managed to find a great friend that he wasn't trying to seduce...anymore.
Jo M. Sterling - Everytime Walter sees Jo, he feels more and more attracted to her. He can never place the feeling, although he thinks it has something to do with her immensely sexy, and very scanty wardrobe. She may be a lesbian though...Walter hasn't decided.
Raykera - Raykera, or Rayward, is really just the nicest person Walter's ever met. She's innocent, but not so innocent that Walter feels he needs to hold his tongue around her. He loves her to death, and actually feels more drawn to her than any of the others in her circle of friends.
Miss Monday - Monday is the zombie girl that Walter can never get enough of. She understands his wit (which is strange, considering she's dead) and is always waiting with a comeback for anything Walter has to say. She has quickly become one of Walter's closest friends.
Mercy Guevara - Walter met Mercy in the D, during one of his normal heckling routines. Mercy called him out, criticized him, and heckled him in return, and the two have been close friends ever since. Walter doesn't see much of Mercy anymore, since her marriage to some guy whose name Walter never took the time to remember...so yeah.
Grinning Guillotine - Walter loves this clown...or Jester, rather. She may be crazier than he is, and that helps Walter feel just a little more normal.
Guard Archer - Tom is one of the few male friends that Walter has. Some would think that it's because Tom is open with Walter, and shares personal stuff, but in all actuality, it's likely because of the female draw that Tom has...sorta.
Power Patron - Walter met Darren in the D, while scoping out chicks...because that's whet they had in common. Walter laughs at Darren, a lot, but the two are pals. Walter enjoys the banter and friendly rivalry they share.
Enemies.. Psh! Everybody loves me.. mostly.
Walter has managed to make a few enemies along the way, but somehow...he really can't remember most of them. There are some, however, that immediately come to mind:
The Tsoo - While hunting one of the Tsoo's higher ranked goons, Black Dragon...or Wind Warrior...or whatever, it doesn't matter...Walter managed to find himself outnumbered and was captured by the Tsoo. After a long, drawn out battle, Walter managed to escape in tact, for the most part. Though, his face did suffer another meltdown after being forced headfirst into a boiling hot bath.
The Circle of Thorns - Again, while on another mission, Walter managed to annoy his target just enough that after capturing him, they burned him alive in hopes that Walter's soul would be released to whatever alternate plane of existence they could conjure. Unfortunately for them, Walter recovered, more mentally unstable than ever.
Zombies - After being attacked and partially eaten, Walter has become a highly sought after delicacy among the zombie community. It's incredible how fast word travels among dead people...or undead...whichever.
Things you should know... whether you want to, or not.
- Walter is a hedonist. Everything he does, he does because it's what pleases him. If there's money, or women (especially women) involved, rest assured that Walter will find a way to throw himself into the mix.
- No one knows who Walter really is or where he came from. Not even he can honestly recall anything about his past, before he became 'The sexiest ninja alive'. He doesn't know how he earned the title, and quite frankly, doesn't care. (It is rumored that he gave himself the name...which isn't hard to believe.)
- Walter loves to eat...it doesn't take much time spent near him to realize that this man has a serious eating disorder. If he can fit it into one of his many pouches(and so far, he's had trouble finding anything that doesn't), then rest assured it will be eaten...if it's edible, that is.
- Walter loves women. Really...he -loves- women. He's yet to come across a woman that he absolutely despises and can't stand to be around, regardless of what they may think of him. He's recently coined the phrase 'Vagabond of love'.
- Walter doesn't like being around people who take themselves too seriously...which is strange considering how much time he spends in Pocket D.
- Walter has been killed several times, only to always return with another unbelievable story to tell someone...anyone...no really, he'll tell anyone who's within earshot. He loves a good story...and the attention it gets him.
- Walter is homicidal, but has always managed to control his urge to kill just enough to direct it toward the people he feels most deserve to die.
- Walter truely is a ninja. As many times as he's professed this, no one ever seems to believe that this seemingly idiotic, bumbling, mouthy individual could manage to be a silent killer...or silent...period.
- Walter's mother has been dead for 15 years, though she still finds time to visit him every now and then...usually to scold him for not having settled down with a family yet.
- It's uncertain whether or not Walter is a master of disguise, or if he just likes to play dress up. Either way, you can count on having a laugh or five depending on which 'costume' Walter deems fitting for whatever occasion he has playing out in his head.
- Walter has a very skewed sense of reality, which offers him a unique perspective on life. Often times, he's completely aware of everything going on outside of the known universe, and he calls this state of mind the 'Walterverse'. (AKA breaking the fourth wall.)
- Walter doesn't drink beer because it tastes bad and has zero effect on him. He drinks milk...lots and lots of milk.
- Walter has signed a contract with Aries Villanite agreeing that when he dies, Aries will take possession of Walter's soul. This has often been considered a bad move by those who know of the agreement, but Walter is confident that Aries has forgotten the whole thing.
- In reference to the above fact, it is still undetermined whether Walter does, or does not have a soul.
- Walter has been eaten by zombies, and apparently, is very tasty...go figure.
- Walter was recently offered the deal of a lifetime by Labal...any wish he so desired in exchange for retrieval of the Agabooboo Crystal (or something to that effect). Walter jumped at the offer and was granted his wish: a set of gold plated golf clubs, autographed by Tiger Woods...'cause that guy's a pimp.
- Walter does not play golf.
If for some reason you want to know me, the player, just follow your nose...or you can click here.
Tell me I'm awesome... Okay, lie if ya have to.
This is the part where you, the viewing audience, gets to chime in with your thoughts about Walter...go ahead...let her rip.
"Walter, walter, Walter... He's such a sexy beast. I always have fun times when Walter is around. He's good people in my book. I declare him FRIEND. ...I also make a sexy Walter-copy. Just saying." -Jo
"I think the first time we met, I yelled at him, and then we just clicked from there. I dunno. It's hard to explain. Walter's just... special. Always so chill and on the ball. And I'm still not sure whether I've actually ever seen his face." - Lia MacKay
"Walrus!" - Guil
"I love my Walter. He's great to be around, and fantastic if you need a laugh. He's just... He's Walter, what else can you say?" - Ray
"I don't *not* like him. That's something, right?" - Jen
"Wally? ... Min' tellin' me where 'e went? ...Wait tha's WalDO... Well 'e's still a freakin' ninja... - Tom
"I don't think I've met a more awesome person than him other than myself." - Alissa(R.I.P.)
"Walter? Yeah he's a good bro for sure, love the guy actually, but he thinks he's sexier than me, so not true, and he's starting to get a gut, which isn't cool at ALL. But other than that, top notch dude right here ladies." - Darren