Xenofillie/EverythingChangesEverythingStaystheSame

It still doesn't look like anything.

I know you said this was going to get easier the more I worked on it and I know you didn't mean to lie or anything, but, it's not getting any easier. I've been going to this stupid class every day and nothing's changing. They're starting to look at me like I'm some big screw up again, I know it, because everyone else looks like they're getting better but me. It doesn't make any sense. I practice every night this time and I didn't even slack off and I'm too dumb to be able to read my own first language.

Everyone said that after awhile I'd start to recognize patterns and I'd be able to over rule my messed up brain and be able to just read like everyone else. Like how the other kids just pick up a book and look and they see words and ideas and things just right there waiting for them to just eat it up and learn it. But... I still.. can't. Not without trying really hard and the more I do that outside of class the sooner someone's going to realize that I can't do what they can. Then, the sooner everyone's going to try and help me like some little kid. Or worse, the sooner everyone's going to get really upset because their help isn't helping.

I thought I'd read about what causes it and see if there was anything I could do to help fix it so I could just see things like everyone else... but, all of the books are too hard. Even when I concentrated and made out the words, it was just too hard. I'm in tenth grade; I can't ask someone to read a book for me. You're a scientist? Can't you guys do a scan or something and figure out what's wrong with my brain and fix it?

I hate it! I hate it, I hate it! I hate it, and it isn't fair! I want to be able to go out to eat with my friends on a menu that doesn't have pictures, or talk about magazines or anything. I was really stupid, I asked this one boy I know out to go for something to eat but I didn't say where and he's so smart. He's never going to talk to me again if we go someplace I've never been before and I can't tell what's on the menu. What if he wants me to order first? What if he does like me and tries to write me a note? I hate being stupid like this, I hate it! It's not going to be any different in Paragon City than it was back in New Mexico except here I don't have you and Dad to make me feel better. It's not fair. Why can't I be more smart like you or dad or Jenny?

Nai nai won't say anything about it, either. You have to talk to her. She doesn't even care; she treats it like it's a good thing and then has me train some more with these flash cards and remembering which one is which and which one I saw last that aren't helping me at all. Even when I got really good at the flash cards it didn't help my reading one bit and she's making me waste time on it for hours now. I asked her to put me into a Chinese speaking school so I wouldn't get made fun of when I was reading. She hasn't said anything back to me except for that I'm not allowed to take my adderall anymore once September starts to 'hone myself' so there goes having a good year and friends.

I got your present yesterday. The cookies were really good and I really like the Gossip Girl series so far. I bought the book just in case someone asked if I was reading it. I emailed you my text book list earlier, could you see if they have those on tape, too or have them in Chinese? Maybe I'll pretend that I'm not from America with my new class. Tell Jenny that I'm super proud of her being picked for Academic team this year and to be double-smart to make up for me and that when she comes to visit I'm going to take her for so much ice cream it'll make her sick.

Don't worry, I won't actually make her sick.

Getting my super hero license was exciting but a little scary but it's real and I'm really doing it. The first few missions out were rough, I didn't know what I was doing at all outside from trying to punch people who looked like they were doing bad things. I've gotten better really quickly, though, so maybe I might be good for something. I made a few friends, too. They're all really, really smart, I don't know why they even hang out with me but they do anyways. I found a flyer for Teen Phalanx and nai nai said I should try and see if they'll take me. I have to train extra hard. I'm not going to be a burden on my new team mates if I get in. I know you and dad say you're happy so long as I'm happy... but, I want to do something to make you proud. Jenny always brings home those statues and everyone always talks about how wonderful she is, and, I want to be wonderful for you both, too. You're both the best mom and dad in the world and I'm such a lousy daughter. I swear, I'll train super hard and become the best superhero ever and I'll make you and dad proud for real and finally maybe bring honor the Wong name, too.

I swear.