Lady Reiki/A Kina Christmas

From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe

“There,” she said, satisfied as she snipped the last thread. Kina set the final creation in a pile with the rest and then gave a sharp whistle to assemble her team. When that did not work, she shook the can of Treats – within seconds a flurry of Peteys arrived, drawn by the siren’s call of potential yummies. Kina counted heads then sighed.

“Chitt, I’m gonna need your help wit’ this, too. C’mon, ya promised!”

The lizardy figure stepped from the shadows. The colors flashing across its spots indicated that Chitters clearly did not recall promising anything of the sort. However, Kina seemed to have her mind set; it would probably be best for Chitters to go along as damage control.

“Righteo. Now this one’s for ya, Chitt. This is Petey’s, this goes t’ Petey, this one’s for Petey, an’ here, Petey, I’ll help ya put this on.”

“Cravprtz celi grr.”

“Nonsense, Chitt, ya look jist fine.”

Kina stepped back to admire her handiwork. The giant puppy (Kina thought warwolf was a misnomer for the cuddly creature) wore a red Santa hat, boots, and a red scarf, which it was currently chewing on. The small whirring clockwork cog and big glowing meteor creature had green Santa hats, boots, and scarves. The little toaster had five tiny boots shaped like hooves, a pair of antlers tied, a red light bulb stuck to his front, and a silver bell attached to his cord tail. He shook it back and forth and a pleasant jingling sound rang out.

“Hmm.”

Kina grabbed a piece of fabric and stuffed it in the bell, silencing it.

“Chrr grbts rwown?”

“Well, no, we hafta be silent, otherwise we wouldn’t be Christmas ninjas,” Kina stated matter of factly. Chitters just heaved a sigh and shrugged uncomfortably in the red and green Santa’s helper costume that matched the one Kina was wearing. The holly on the hilt of the sword was too much, but Kina was firm and Chitters relented. The blender hovered close to the toaster, fascinated by the additions.

“Don’t worry, I have somethin’ for ya, too.”

Kina wrapped a scarf around the blender, which immediately took off and flew in happy circles around the glowing Christmas tree-like thing that Petey had constructed in the living room. Kina went into the kitchen where an egg was nestled among hot water bottles and put a Santa hat on it as well. The goldfish were fed red and green flakes of fish food. Once everyone had been festified, Kina returned to her chosen team. She picked up a sack and had the two big Peteys and Chitters grab the other sacks. Snapping a leash to the toaster turned reindeer, she led them out of the trailer.

“Okay, let’s go spread some Christmas cheer.”

The motley group, looking like a Christmas card gone horribly awry, ambled, trotted, clicked, scampered, and skulked its way through the streets of Paragon. Kina checked her list twice, making sure she had all the keys and pass codes she would need.

"Breigng ko nrng chrrt?”

“It’s only breakin’ an’ enterin’ if ya’re stealin’ stuff. Anyways, I got keys, so that ‘liminates th’ breakin’ part o’ it. Unless they changed th’ locks after th’ last time I, uh, visited.”

They swiftly made their rounds leaving almost no trace of having been there, beyond the gifts they left behind. And, the occasional muddy footprint. And one lamp with a chomp mark on it. Still, they were practically like Christmas ninjas.

Here she left some books – both new (like The Art of Cooking for Just a Few) and old (at least they looked old when Kina found them in the caves), and one with a bunch of wards sealing it (Kina had made a bow out of chain for it – festive and secure!). There, some shiny crystals she had borrowed on her last visit. An assortment of t-shirts that an adolescent might wear. Some lovely house plants, completely non-sentient. Small toys for the cats that lived here. Hair accessories. Snow cone maker for someone complaining of the heat and scarves for someone who was too cold. A sharpening stone good for swords... or kitchen knives. Bags of candy, chips, and other goodies. Parts that could be useful for building a robot. Some explosives (with a warning label on top so the recipient would not blow himself up, accidentally). And everywhere they went, Kina left tiny doll versions of those who lived there, cobbled from all kinds of fabric scraps, but each bearing a smile stitched to the face and a note saying “May the New Year be full of smiles!”

When all the sacks were finally empty, and the doors relocked, and the alarms and security systems reset, Kina took her team along the streets until they reached the Zig.

“Even th’ prisoners oughta have some holiday cheer. Everyone ‘member what we practiced?”

She handed the shiny music folders to Chitters and each of the Peteys. Kina opened one folder and placed it on a small easel in front of the five-legged toaster. The big glowing Petey was holding his upside down; she gently turned it around.

“Lwrtrut grbbn schy.”

“It’s for th’ look o’ it – I know Petey can’t read. Okay, on th’ count o’ three...”

The gentle notes of Silent Night were sung, howled, burbled, clicked, growled, churred, and tapped out, creating a sound that no angelic choir would ever replicate. At least, not willingly. They had finished Silent Night and started in on Jingle Bells when one of the guards came out to talk to them.

“Ma’am,” he began respectfully (as one should when a jolly elf with a lizard’s face seems itching to use its holly-covered sword) to Kina. “Ma’am, ah, first, the interrogators send their thanks for your, ah, assistance in making some hardened criminals finally speak. But, the other inmates are complaining of, ah, cruel and unusual punishment and ah...” Faced with the intense stares of one Chitters and several Peteys (including the unnerving stare of the toaster which, technically, had no face) he trailed off.

“Oh, ya’re right. It ain’t fair t’ remind ‘em they’re stuck in there on Christmas, is it?”

“N- ah, yes. Yes, of course, you’re absolutely right. So if you’ll just move along?” He gave a slightly panicked smile as his brain weighed the odds of himself against this group.

“Sure thing. Merry Christmas, mister!”

“Ah, yes, Merry Chri-“

A smoke bomb went off and he heard the girl shout, “Christmas ninjas, vanish!” followed by some not-so-silent shuffling as everyone tried to vanish in different directions. He caught sight of them disappearing around the corner as the smoke cleared. “Heroes...” He sighed. Maybe it was time to change careers. His brother had a grape farm on the West Coast...

Meanwhile, Kina, Chitters, and the Peteys made their way back to their place in the Row. The Peteys continued their renditions of the carols they had been taught as they went along; after all, completing the set had always resulted in a Treat on previous occasions.

“Wrbbgrnt.”

“Oh, let ‘em sing. We’re done wit’ th’ ninjaing now, an’ they seem t’ be havin’ fun.”

Kina cheerfully whistled along and did indeed reward them all with a Treat once they returned. She then let them scatter as they wished throughout the several pocket dimensions that acted as rooms inside the trailer. The big puppy, toaster, and blender played Chase for a bit before curling up under glowing red and green lights of the phosphorescent tree-like thing, which the little cog resumed working on.

“Oh, I almost forgot... Here ya go, Chitt!”

Kina handed her companion two long packages. Clawed fingers delicately undid the bows and parted the red and green wrapping paper to revel two new thin blades that glowed faintly.

“...”

“Well, th’ one ya normally used was gettin’ chipped, so I figured ya could use a new one. An’ then I thought that two was better then one – twice th’ choppy, ya know?”

“Brrwno kruu morc?”

“No, they ain’t borrowed, I promise. But, it’s still a secret.”

Kina grinned.

“Merry Christmas, Chitt.”

“Chrr mrrki tsnuji.”

“An’ t’ all a goodnight!”