Aeka/This Is Ekali

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This is Ekali.

He's sleeping now. He likes to do that, and I like to watch. I don't sleep like he does, but I like to pretend. Often times at night I lay with him and hold him. He'll hold me too, and I close my eyes, just for awhile. I like to pretend I'm dreaming. I think of nice things. I think of beautiful places and times long gone. I think of the people I've helped, and sometimes I imagine myself with them again. Still as I last saw them. The way I made them; Happy, alive, and sometimes in love. I wonder if they stayed so happy after I left. That's usually when I stop pretending to dream, but when I open my eyes I smile because Ekali's still there and so am I. He's so great.

Tonight's different though. I'm not laying with him. I'm sitting nearby, watching from my little distance. I can't stop smiling. He's so beautiful, and when he sleeps, he looks like an angel. He doesn't hide anything from the world when he sleeps. He can't. It's such a privilege to see him so open, and I protect it. I make sure no one can disrupt him, I make sure no one can see what I see. I'm selfish that way.

I study every curve, every detail. I memorize them. I watch his body breathe and live. I even count the pores sometimes. His skin is so immaculate. Last night I counted one million, seven hundred sixty three thousand, eight hundred and twenty two before he woke up. I had to pull the blanket off him a little, but he'll never know. I put it back.

I try not to touch him too much. I don't want to disrupt him, I don't want to wake him from his sleep or his dream. I want him to get his rest, but sometimes I can't help it. I poked one of his lips, and he smiled at me. I thought I woke him but I didn't. I wondered if he knew it was me, or if he knew I was there, and what I did. Of course he does. Doesn't he?

I like to think about his dreams. I wonder if he dreams every night. I think he does, even if he doesn't remember them. It's so wondrous to imagine what a mind as great as his might show him while he sleeps. How it might entertain him, keep his mind busy so it doesn't stagnate. I wonder what kind of adventures he takes, what parts of his past he relives. I wonder what he dreams his future to be. I take a lot of guesses, too, but I never ask to see if they're true in the morning. Right now, I think he's dreaming of home. Of Daer Niktu. He's sleeping soundly and breathing smoothly, so if he's dreaming it's a happy dream, a peaceful one. I wish I was there. I wish I could follow him there. Maybe I am. Maybe I can.

I think about our forever. I won't leave him. He won't make me go. I won't go until we have to. And we'll go together. I don't think about the end much. It doesn't matter. When it comes I know that I'll have done everything I could for everyone I could. I'll know I made a difference. I'll know I was loved and that I love too. I'll know that I was special not for what I am but for the people I knew. I know I've made the right choices. The only choices. I'll know I did the right thing. I'll keep smiling.

I think about the other place and I go cold. I made a deal many months ago. So I could stay with Ekali even after my time was up and it was time to go. So I could stay here, with him, and with everyone. To see the world and live a life. To stop leapfrogging through the ages, seeing the progress in people only with little glimpses. So I could stop leaving the people I care about. I don't want to leave anyone ever again. I didn't know if it would work when I made it but it did. But sometimes I worry. Even I worry sometimes. The deal was for 'forever'. Until Ekali was dead. I knew Ekali wouldn't die, and I thought I had tricked them into letting me stay indefinitely this way. But what if I didn't? What if they knew what I was doing? Maybe they have a plan. What if they take me from him? Worse, what if they take him from me so I have to leave? What if I don't get to say goodbye? What if I can't get back? What if I never see him again? I wonder if he would be as sad as I'd be. I wonder if he'd think I abandoned him. That I didn't love him anymore. No.. he'd know. But... I wonder if he could ever be so happy again.

And then I open my eyes. That was a good dream while it lasted, but now I'm alone. Ekali isn't here, it's just me. I sigh because I miss him, but I'm not sad. I smile anyway. It hasn't been long, and I know I'll see him again really soon. I love him. I know he knows, but I don't know if he'll ever know exactly how much. I think about him all the time. I wonder if he's thinking about me too, at home. In Daer Niktu. I know he's busy and his people need him. I wish I was there. I wish I could follow him there. Maybe I can.

(This story was written in December 2008 as a gift to @Unheilstifter. It was written as a piece about that player's character, Ekali Aurelia, and is shared here for the purpose of offering a deeper glimpse into Aeka's mind, the way it works, and what love means to her.)

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