Clip-Caster

Peanuts are the secret ingredient to the Red Potion, discovered by George Washington Carver. Rick Rolled is actually the technique used on petty highwaymen who've been tied up and rolled down the hills into the town the great bard Sir Rick Astley protects. The first great luxury airship in history was named the Titanic. Due to drifting into heavy wind currents from the rich passengers wanting a better view, it hit a mountain where many died due to a lack of lifeboats.

A land where instead of society relying on technology as a means to go on about it's day, it relys on the arcane and magic. A place where the great cities aren't built around places with fantastic natural resources, but instead powerful Nexus Points of the world's lay lines. A place where the leaders in advancing society are mages who fine-tune and improve upon spells and magitek instead of computers and weapons.

If there's one thin' Broham Zammer knows how ta do right, it's tellin' a tale. As long as ya keep mah mug from emptyin' a'course, heha. Anyhow, ya say you want to hear the story of Daxter Mag's childhood. Ah'm not gonna lie friend, it's not exactly the most upliftin' a stories, but iffin' ya insist.

Our story begins with the young mage ta be's birth, even from the beginnin' he'd feel the pulls a destiny an grief at him. See, one thing most don' know about him, an' he probably wouldn' be thrilled ta know I'm tellin' ya this, but my boy is of elven descent. Born of the Chib'Monta, er Chipmunks as the human slang fer it goes. Beautiful area fer a top sider. Gullies, dense forest with pretty flowers an' streams all 'round it. Though ah'm not fond a such things, give me a tunnel any-day, keeps ya from fallin' into the sky.

Anyway, at his birth, the young man had such magical potential that it tore at his mum's spirit. She didn't make it through, an' worse yet, such power in a wee babe caused his people to fear him. Ya might ask what became of his father? Well elves an' the humans weren't exactly buddies, in all honesty they still aren't. The sod offin' humans have a problem with thinkin' they can take anythin' they can win in a fight. As skillful and wise as the elves were, they couldn't handle the sheer numbers of humans, an' Dax's old man died in combat before he even got ta see his boy.

The years past, and the fact that he was raised by the village instead of a family cause the lad to seek attention through mischievious and sly pranks he'd pull on everyone. Why one day, at least this's how he told me, he put a special blend into the elder sage's hair soap that turned hair blue. The sage, just as sly as Dax was an probably the closest thin' he had to family, had actually switched the soap, so Daxy ended up dyin' his own hair blue. An' ta show just how great a guy the sage was, when the little Dax started cryin', the sage pulled his hood off, revealin' that he'd willin'ly dyed his hair blue as well. Ain't never seen Dax with another color of hair since.

Years went on, an' the people of Dax's eventually warmed up ta him. Kid was a enterin' manhood, which ah have no idea how bloody old that is, damn elves live ferever. Thing's were lookin' up though, Dax was accepted as the sage's apprentice, an' started learnin' all about the magic that came ta him so well. Even got himself a sweet little girlfrien', real shame, it was gonna be the last happy time Dax would have fer awhile. Dispite decades passin', the blightin' war between humans an' elves was still brewin'.

An' one day Dax's little lady friend went out into the wilderness with another lad, see, she wasn't exactly faithful. She and her friend thought it'd be a bloody good idea to have some alone time in a restricted area of their territory. Well it was restricted 'cause patrols a' human templars came through that area all the time, an' when they found two young elves haven't at it in the clearin', well, they knew there were more nearby.

The lad was killed on the spot, an' they tortured the girl inta tellin' them where their village was. The raped 'n killed her too... Later that night, they struck, an' worse, the elder sage was out talkin' with another village a few days away, which left pullin' the people together ta Dax. And the lad tried, fought with all his heart. Fought so hard he gained enough attention ta not be killed like everyone else in the village. Templars are magic hatin' blighters who feel the need ta make it worse fer anyone that knows a thing or two of it.

In his prison cell they'd torture him daily, even clipped his ears, so he wouldn't be accepted as an elf in another village anywhere, jus' in case he escaped. Which he did. Thing about people in power is after awhile they get content, fat an' lazy. One guard thought Dax needed a little more. Despite the wards they put on him fer keepin' him from usin' magic, Dax is a flexible little sod with a lot a reach; he swung his legs up and snapped the bastard's neck, pickin' the key from the pocket all with his feet; an' made is escape into the wilderness. What he did after that though, is another story. 'Fraid I'm gonna need another drink fer that.

Back fer more, eh? Ol' man Zammer knows what yer here for. Ya want ta know what happened ta mah boy after he escaped the Templar sods. Ah'll be straight with ya, if ya think Dax's childhood was a rough, what happened next can be considered jus' as tough.

Ta start things off, it'd be best if ya knew a little more about the relationship between the mages an' Templars. See, fer hundreds an' hundreds of years, mages were feared fer their power, with good reason a course; a rotten mage can craft some horrors best left from yer imagination. So the Templars come along, a nation founded with the intent a' controllin' all magics and the like. They trained their soldiers in the best a' anti-magical combat, on top a' the usual. But after time, as more an' more mages were poppin' up, the ones that did things right felt as though their slavery was unjust. After a tad bit more time, an some explorin', there was a new land found. This was the mages chance, they begged fer a chance to start a life in a place where they could be free. An' the Templar Commander figured a way ta use this an' still keep 'em under the Templar thumb.

The mages were sent over ta the new land with supplies an' the works, the catch was that they'd be sendin' quite a few resources back ta the Templar order. This is also 'bout the time the new settlers were buttin' heads with the elves, an' not too far off from when Dax lost his home. Ta sum it up, when Dax lost his home, an' when the mages had enough of the blightin' Templars taxin' e'm dry happened 'bout the same time. Which was pretty lucky fer Dax, the kid needed a place ta vent his fury.

Our young mage knew enough ta stay in the woods, livin' off the wild, tenden ta the abuse he was given durin' his stay with the soddin' Knights. He wasn't in any shape ta go stirrin' up some blood, but didn' stop 'im from obsessin' over it. All Daxy could think 'bout was how his girl could run off behind 'is back ta spend some quality time with some other lad, an' then causin' his whole family ta die. He didn' want anythin' ta do with humans or elves, he just wanted ta find the bastards that did it and kill 'em. 'Bout a year past, livin' in the wilds, and a battle between the free mages an' templars ran inta him, givin' him his chance.

It was fairly cold out that evenin', Dax was tryin' ta catch his dinner. Next thin' the kid knew the river was turnin' red, he bent down ta take a wiff, securin' his belief. Blood. He ran upstream ta see somethin' not many elves have seen before. Human's killin' each other. Standin' there awe-struck wasn' the brightest thin' he did though, almost got taken out with an arrow. Lucky fer him, a lass by the name a Maria managed ta tackle him ta safety. It took 'im back that she just risked her life fer an' elf, then remembered he didn't have his ears no-more. She quickly ran back inta battle, an' he followed. Didn' take 'im long ta see the sign of the Templars on the other side a the battle, an' it didn't take Dax long ta lose it on 'em. That battle was one a the bloodiest ah've ever heard of. An' where Dax got his first alias, Clip-Caster.

Charged down the battle, firin' bullets and throwin' lightenin' bolts everywhere, his fury fer the rape the bastards did coursed through his body, turnin' him into a force a nature. It's even said the Free Mages stopped fightin' all together, feelin' the chills of his vengeance froze 'em in their place. After the battle, he was so spent he collapsed on the spot.

Dax woke up a bit later ta Maria washin' his face, there was the speak a man in the room as well. Once word he was awake was put out, Dax soon found 'imself in front a General George Washington, leader of the Free Mages of Amadgika. The two talked a bit, George comin' to the conclusion from Dax's runes and small braid a hair on the back of his head that he was an elf. Though when Dax thought he'd have ta fight his way out, the general offered Dax a spot on his special forces, Maria would be his teacher, since he needed ta know a lot about the way of man.

It was rough at first, but Maria was just charming enough ta get through Dax's defense and gain his trust. She taught him everythin' he knew how to do as an elf, but as a human. Ta read an' write. Speak an' sing. Fight an' dance. Years flew by, the two of them bein' sent on covert missions to disrupt the Templar's ability to fight and never failed. And while he helped her gain a high reputation within the government, she learned of what happened to Dax. The two were close, rumors bein' they might've been romantic were there to. What'd do ah believe? Well, ah know Dax. An' ah know even ta this day, he holds Maria very high up.

There was actually a story ah remember 'bout those two. Maria'd heard Dax never gotta ta eat cheesecake. So she tol' ole General Washington that they had an urgent mission and headed out North. She knew a place back in her homeplace where they can make a mean slice a the pie. When they got there, she show'd our boy around, an' he tried a piece a cheesecake, which is one of his favorites ever since. Made 'im a bit homesick though too, which didn' last long, since Washington had a meeting with some a the soldier there, and caught 'em in the act. Luckily he was a bit of a good man, an' decided to count their lil' get away as some arr an' arr. Dax had actually started feelin' like he had a place again. Which ya can probably since with all this foreshadowin' that things're 'bout ta head South fer Dax.

A good ten years've past, an' the war was startin' ta die down. The Templars jus' couldn' break the mages on their home turf. So Dax an' Maria had a lot a time on their hands, heha, an' no, they didn' spend all their time like that. Anytime Dax'd remember his home, she could see the hurt on him. Over the years, she'd used her resources ta help Dax find the blighters, and helped him kill them. Not exactly the healthiest soundin' relationship, but she hoped that once he'd killed them all and didn' feel any different he'd understand that what he was doin' wasn't helpin'. Sadly it took the last guy fer that ta sink in. That an' Maria.

The two snuck up on the place the last fuck holed up in, knowin' his buddies'd been offed, he had a fairly good idea what was gonna happen ta him. Which gave the sod the perfect way ta set 'em up. Second they broke inta the place they were ambushed, Dax would've died on the spot if it weren't fer Maria, poor girl shielded her love with herself. Dax couldn't move a bit, just starin' at her, he'd never forget the last thing she told 'im. "I loved you since the moment I saw your doe-eyes lost in that battle. I know you'll get out of this, when you do, be happy."

Ah.. don' mind me, jus' a tough part fer me ta make it through. Ah, yeah. So Daxter's locked up, the last crazied Templar enjoyin' the hell outta findin' out it was the small elf boy they tortured. An' by enjoyin' ah mean relivin' past memories. He carved and cut at Dax's body like a wee lad learnin' ta shave. Our hero could'a broken outta the bindin's put on him too, but his heart was destroyed. He woulda died there too. Luck was on his side though. See, there was someone else followin' these murders a' Templars involved in that elven village massacre. Dax could hardly believe it when an old elf with blue hair walked through the door, blood splashed against the walls behind him of the guards that attempted ta stop 'im. The old elven sage's face of worry lightened up as he saw Dax, and moved to free him. The Templar decided that he would end his own life that day as well, when he assaulted the sage and had his head removed.

Dax was carried out of the fortress. Passed out from grief. The old sage just hugged Dax close, appologizin' fer not bein' there sooner.

The war was over, an' fer now, so's this story. This old dwarf needs a few moments ta recover. 'Scuse me..

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