Dieselmeat: The Interview
From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe
Monday - 1:56 pm
Port Oaks
Location: Undisclosed office
As Dieselmeat finishes drinking the black enamel paint from a rusted one gallon paint can, Anthony Timpone, editor of Fangora Magazine prepares to conduct his interview for a new spotlight column at an undisclosed location, a personal request made by Dieselmeat. He hopes to include it in his newest issue, while spotlighting some of the Rogue Isles most wanted. He knows this may have a limited run of only two or three interviews, due to the extreme price tag for an appearance fee, and the need to line the pockets of those who can assist arranging such interviews. He is sure that he'll be able to recoup his losses through sales in any event.
Anthony asks the monstrosity his first question. "Ok Dieselmeat, we've read about you in the papers and seen you on the news. My first two questions to you are, "Murder. What is it that attracts you, and others like you to it? Also, what is the most rewarding thing about it for you personally?"
"Murder is a funny thing. It's permanent! It can be a job just like any other, but I have fun with what I do." Dieselmeat crosses a leg over the other, and the large chair he occupies groans as he shifts his weight within the seat. He sets the paint can down on the floor beside him and folds his massive hands in his lap.
"The killing of another is one of those self giving gifts that just keeps on giving! Imagine that one bitch that you work with that treats you as if you were doggy-done-it, or some hero has decided to try to cash in on that bounty on your head. Imagine them tied to a bed or table, spread eagle, or as the British would say; "drawn to be quartered." Imagine watching the fear in their eyes. Listen to the panic driven sounds of their moans and groans. Just for the hell of it, one suggestion I have is to reach out and bitch slap them a couple of times, or a strong, vicious punch to the face is usually an equally good stimulus. That is, if you want to entertain your "prey". That is really a personal preference I think. Three simple rules to follow for the novice would be: Strangulate, Mutilate, and Decapitate. As you and your target exchange "feelings", try demanding that they address you as; "Master" or "The Great One." It's always good for a laugh. Each time they fail to address you correctly, the punishment must be immediate and severe! Once you and your target have shared whatever exchanges you choose, try placing your hands around their throat and squeeeeeeeeeze. Here's what you can expect.
At first the face will turn bright red and all the facial veins will pop out. The small blood vessels in the whites of the eyes will burst, turning the eyes a reddish purple/brown. As their face turns from bright red to knotted purple, the eyes may bug-out and a swollen limp tongue, will probably hang out of their mouth. Often times the tongue may be bloody-ripped by involuntary, self-inflicted bites. Legs will violently, shake and kick. With each kick the body will start to respond rhythmically. In extreme cases only the back of their head and feet will touch the ground. Anyway, as the legs violently kick and shake, you can watch their eyes go through the four stages of death.
1. A look of horror, anger, and fear. 2. Pure panic and sorrow. 3. Total surrender. 4. The 1,000-mile stare of the dead. That is the most rewarding part for me personally! Never ceases to get my blood pumping! After the final death spasms they need to be unceremoniously dumped, so the rats and other night creatures can have their celebration."
In stunned silence, Anthony stares at his interview subject. With absolute shock in his eyes, and skin that has gone pale and clammy, only a few words have been scrawled on the notepad. Anthony's pen falls from his hand while he sits in shock and dismay.
"Anthony, what your readers need to consider is their position on murder, but they also must be true to themselves. If murder is your swan song, just do it in the biggest, most notable way possible! You must remember, there are those people out there that would love to help you express your desire. Murder is permanent. Murder is deliciously, deliciously delightful! Here, let me show you an example of what I am talking about..."
Behind the office door, the sounds of a struggle ensue, if but only for a moment...
