User:AlwaysAPrice/Excrement
From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe
Stone Melee
What if
the Incredible Hulk
was made of shit?
Application: The Reciprocators
What is your name?
Buck Cody, but my friends call me Brett.
What abilities do you have?
Well, I've always had anger issues (due in part to diabetes and gluten intolerance), but now I finally have the means to turn them to my advantage instead of stewing in a fetid miasma of my own rage. When I surrender to my anger, I transform into a hulking, lumpy monstrosity, endowed with incredible strength and given a remarkable resilience thanks to my soft but thick exoskeletal coating of an impact-diffusing organic compound I excrete from my pores when enraged. I seem to be pretty frightening in my empowered form, and have developed a suite of what I like to call Super-Human Intimidation Tactics that cause most enemies to refuse to even come in contact with me!
Why do you fight evil?
I know it sounds corny, but I just want to do the right thing.
What is your story?
I was a retired test pilot tapped for an ambitious mission conducted by a company in the private sector, a multinational consortium of technology interests pooling their resources to fund radical, multi-disciplinary experiments. In order to test a number of new technologies, I was placed in suspended animation and used as the first test subject of the company's experimental spaceship: the Fermionic Affinity Relay Transport. I was able to traverse most of the solar system with little ill effect. Unfortunately, there was a silent but deadly risk we didn't realize until too late. As my ship reached the seventh planet, it was bombarded with unexpected levels of cosmic radiation which we believe originated from the planet itself. The radiation interfered with the sensitive technologies on board the ship and the drive itself, causing a cascade reaction through the integrated life support system that caused irreparable damage to my genome and granted me my amazing abilities.
In short, I gained my powers from the FART around Uranus.
Why do you want to join the Reciprocators?
I've heard a lot about your group, and I know that you're the kind of people who won't leave me dangling.
What can the Reciprocators expect from you?
I'm resilient and determined. Criminals won't be able to wipe me out easily.
With which other groups, if any, have you previously been affiliated?
The Air Force has expressed interest in combining my new powers and my test pilot experience as a part of their Super-Human Aerial Reconnaissance Team. As a hobbyist, I currently hold membership in the American Neo-Astronomy League and the Association of Star Seekers, and I am still employed by the organization which financed the expedition, Technologies United Research Division. I now function primarily as a consultant and head-hunter, visiting promising and ambitious new companies to scout, or sniff out, new talent for their various projects. I'm informally known as a TURD Sniffer.
Do you have a Reciprocator willing to vouch for you?
Not yet, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time. I'm a pretty easy-going guy and I think I'd get along with you people, and I'm eager to put my abilities to the test with a team. Honestly, my life's changed a lot since I developed these powers, most of my friends and family don't want anything to do with me anymore, so I'm really looking forward to making new, more understanding friends. Just let me know if I get too clingy!
As part of your application we will be running your name through various databases to determine your background. When we do this, whatinformation would we find on you?
I'm pretty sure my record's clean as a whistle, but then everyone's got an unsightly stain or two.
Follow-Up
A voicemail is left with the Reciprocators answering service.
Hello, Reciprocators! This is Buck "Brett" Cody, also known as Excrement. Just calling to check on the status of my application! I'm really eager to get down to business and start "returning the fay-voh-urr" alongside you all. So eager in fact I couldn't hold it any longer, and made a stop at Icon today to put together a costume I hope meets your uniform standards. Unfortunately my power makes wearing shirts difficult, but I think I found a workaround -- I just used a stick to inscribe your logo in my coating! I've e-mailed a picture to the address the registrar had on record, please let me know if it needs any changes. I appreciate you guys might be backed up with applications and hope this kind of call isn't frowned upon. I get a little excited when things start looking up for me, and sometimes when that pressure builds up you need to just sit down and let it out!
