First Player/You Just Can't Win

"Cheaters, all of you!" Miles shouted at the screen. "Freakin' campers, Roger."

"If it were against the rules, they wouldn't be allowed to do it, Miles." his artificially intelligent robotic sidekick reasoned. It was the third straight Saturday night he spent inside his underground bunker and Miles was currently embroiled in a lengthy online Call of Duty team deathmatch, and his team was currently down five kills." Sometimes, you just can't-"

"Don't even say it." Miles interrupted. He shifted in his chair, pulling his feet off his oversized desk and onto the floor, leaning forward and clenching his teeth. Roger buzzed and whirred in the background, flitting about in the air as he made minor repairs to Miles' equipment. "Might I remind you of last Tuesday evening when you manipulated the opposing team's controls to only allow them to move in straight lines. Perhaps this is... karmic payback?"

Miles scoffed. "Karma? Since when did you get all deep and spiritual?"

"I've recently begun researching the works of Thanissaro Bhikkhu, it's quite fascinating." Roger responded. Miles groaned as he was killed on-screen again, his avatar once again defiled and "teabagged."

"Remind me to find out where this LostChance75 guy lives." He sighed, mentally filing away his opponent's Xbox Live gamertag. Just then, his screen cleared and a loud klaxon rang. "Looks like they're playin' our song, Rog." Miles noted as a notification popped up on his screen. When he first set up this underground haven he called home, he installed a watchdog system - a console that allowed him to monitor the entire city at any given time. He hacked into and piggybacked the Paragon Police Department's wi-fi connection, granting him first warning and instant access to crime databases and other information he shouldn't be privy too. Was it legal? Absolutely not. But it helped Miles help people faster. So it was for the greater good. Right?

"A remote alarm was triggered at Harlan's Jewelery? Color me surprised. Isn't this like the third time they've been robbed this month?"

"The fourth." Roger corrected.

"Fun stuff. Looks like repairs'll have to wait. There's crime afoot!" He shouted and grinned in Roger's direction. If Roger had eyes, Miles was sure he would’ve been rolling them.

It took him a good ten minutes to fly across town to Harlan's. His hoverboard was on the fritz again, so he'd fashioned a pair of prototype rocket boots. They didn’t have the ‘oomph’ his hoverboard did, but it did beat walking. Roger hovered ahead of him to inspect the front of the building.

“Forced entry.” Roger noted, floating over the broken glass near the door frame. Miles arched a brow, crouching to inspect the shattered window pane. “Didn’t even bother to try and sneak in through the backdoor. That takes balls.”

Roger flew away from the store for a moment, a broad wave of light scanning the face of the building. “Thermal imaging reveals two human heat signatures inside. Both female.”

“That takes... ovaries?” Miles amended.

Roger said nothing in return, only spinning towards him slowly.

“Oh shut up. There weren't a lot of places I could go with that. Let’s just go inside and say hello then, yeah?”

Miles attempted to pull open the door slowly but was thwarted by previously unseen bells at the top of the door. "The hell?! It's not even Christmas!" He grimaced. By then the lights had already been turned on and his attempt at stealthy infiltration was ruined. Both he and Roger froze as the perpetrators revealed themselves. Two young women wearing catholic school girl outfits strode down the entrance corridor, presumably to greet Miles. Even stranger, the two were twins. "Oh you've got to be kidding me..." Miles mumbled to himself. "If they start finishing each others sentences, I'm out of here." Miles added. He glanced around, waiting for a response from Roger, who had floated upwards out of view and cloaked himself. The twins stopped short of Miles, silently regarding him cautiously. He gave an awkward wave at the two and then gestured towards a glass case of jewelry, "Little late for browsing, no?"

The door slammed shut behind him, the jingling bells dropping to the floor noisily. Miles spun quickly, but saw no one outside. He turned back around to find the twins had moved, just three feet from him now, when an invisible force knocked him off his feet, onto the floor, then into the wall. "Threat report!" He grunted, hoping Roger would hear him. The drone's voice spoke through his earpiece. "Mindy and Mandy Terra! Also known as the Terror Twins. Raised in-" Miles interrupted him. "THE ABRIDGED VERSION, ROGER."

The same invisible force lifted Miles into the air and slammed him against the ceiling as Roger continued. "Both psychic! Their telepathic bond boosts their already formidable psychokinetic abilities!"

"Twin Psychic Catholic Schoolgirls who moonlight as jewel thieves. When we get out of here, remind me to sell this to a movie studio." Miles was dropped to the floor from his place on the ceiling, landing just at the twins' feet. "If we make it out of here..." He groaned as he raised his head upwards. They were both looking down at him curiously. "Your thoughts are... jumbled." One of them said. Mindy or Mandy - Miles wasn't sure which.

"Yeah, well. I've got a lot on my mind." Miles smirked up at them both.

"No matter." The other twin replied. They stepped apart from one another as Miles was dragged down the hallway between them. He clawed at the floor but was unsuccessful in his attempt to find something to hold onto and was thrown into the main room of the store. Miles craned his neck in time to see Roger revealed himself behind the twins. When he built Roger, he outfitted him with a laser, mostly for repairs, but in some cases - this being one of them - for defense.

Either way, Roger was unable to attack either of the twins as Mindy (Or Mandy?) sensed his presence, spinning and glaring at the small, floating drone. He was suddenly jerked out of the air and thrown down the hall into Miles. "Ow ow ow. Oh I wish you could feel pain, Roger."

"I do not." He calmly replied, firing up his thrusters and floating into the air once again. Miles slowly picked himself up as Mindy and Mandy entered the room. "Okay. Strategies?"

"Lead them away from one another? Perhaps apart, their powers will wane."

"Great idea, Velma! Let's split up." Miles agreed sarcastically. The joke was lost on Roger, who had already flown away from him. As soon as Miles turned to run in the opposite direction, he was thrown backwards again, this time into a glass display case, which shattered under him. "Oh, come on!" He shouted. "Cheaters..." He sighed from his place on the ground. He crawled on all fours as Mandy (Or Mindy?) approached him. "It's a shame," She said as she turned to her sister who, on the opposite side of the room, was pursuing Roger. "He's quite cute, Sister."

Miles laughed as he raised his hand. Mandy opened her mouth to gasp just as a burst of kinetic energy was fired from his palm, catching her in the torso and knocking her backwards through a display case. "JUSTICE." Miles shouted victoriously. From her place at the other side of the room, Mindy screamed, abandoning her pursuit of Roger and stomping over towards Miles, who had gotten to his feet by this point. "That was QUITE rude."

"Yeah, well. There's one for you too." Before Miles could fire off another energy blast, a diamond necklace whizzed past him. And then another. And then two more, the last of which scraped his face. "Aagh!" He yelped, touching the fresh cut on his cheek. Mandy had recovered and was now telekinetically hurling jewelry at him. "Awesome." He sighed. "Hey, chicks dig scars, right?" He questioned, before diving behind a wooden counter. "NO." Mindy answered. "We don't." Mandy finished.

"Well you two aren't exactly the standard when it comes to normal girls!" Miles shouted from behind the counter. He could feel and hear the silver and metal being shot into the wood. Judging from the exorbitant amount of jewelry displayed around the store, it would only be a matter of seconds before the counter would be shred to pieces. Miles glanced before spying a book-sized, three-sided mirror that had been thrown to the ground. "Bingo." He looked towards the ceiling and found Roger hovering casually on the other side of the room. Miles whispered loudly, "Glad to see you're having a good time over there!"

"Is there something you need?" He replied. Pieces of the counter were starting to dig into Miles back.

"Is there something I need?!" Miles shouted back angrily. "I need you to set phasers to stun!" He added, holding up the mirror quickly. Fortunately, Roger's advanced intelligence caught on, "Very clever, Miles!"

"Just shut up and fire!" Miles shouted, raising the mirror above the counter quickly. Though a silver bracelet sliced his forearm, he kept his wrists steady as Roger fired his laser twice. The mirror reflected the rays, which rebounded off the glass and presumably hit both Mandy and Mindy as all the jewelry being thrown into the counter stopped. Miles poked his head over the top carefully. Both twins lay on the ground, unconscious. Miles stood and pumped a fist victoriously. "Yeah! That was so NINJA. Who said you'd never use geometry in real life." Miles hopped over the counter and sat on the edge of it as Roger contacted the PPD.

"I believe I made all the calculations." Roger corrected, hovering beside him. "But well done nonetheless!"

"Well I can cross 'Have A Threesome With Two Catholic Schoolgirls' off my bucket list." Miles sighed. And then the counter gave way under his weight.