Captain Concussion
From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe
| |
| Ride The Buffalo. | |
| Captain Concussion | |
| Player: @PsEG | |
| Origin: | Natural |
|---|---|
| Archetype: | Tanker |
| Security Level: | 50 |
| Personal Data | |
| Real Name: | Boris Feltz |
| Known Aliases: | Cap, Conc, Cap Conc |
| Species: | Human |
| Age: | 32 |
| Height: | 6'1" |
| Weight: | 165 lbs. |
| Eye Color: | Blue |
| Hair Color: | Brown |
| Biographical Data | |
| Nationality: | USA |
| Occupation: | Game Show Host/Former Entrepreneur |
| Place of Birth: | Meridian Hills, IN |
| Base of Operations: | Los Angeles, CA |
| Marital Status: | Single |
| Known Relatives: | Unknown |
| Known Powers | |
| Absorbing concussion-force blows to the head, withstanding bodily harm, super speed, "Riding The Buffalo" | |
| Known Abilities | |
| Throwing spastic punches and kicks | |
| Equipment | |
| Custom-made scientific research helmet, Impervium armor tuxedo | |
| May exhibit bipolar and delusional behavior on occasion. | |
Boris "Captain Concussion" Feltz (Born March 4, 1976) is an entrepreneur, auto racer, and hero. He is best known for his controversial work as a registered hero for The Circle of Jerks.
Feltz started his professional career as an entrepreneur, becoming a multi-millionaire in 2000. In 2003, he poured most of his earnings into a career in auto racing, a catastrophic move characterized by countless chaotic accidents in which Feltz suffered several severe head injuries, and found himself swiftly banned by every major auto racing organization. Despite the head injuries, Feltz showed no ill effects, earning him the nickname Captain Concussion from several doctors. A coalition of medical experts decided to create and lock a protective helmet to Captain Concussion's head until further research could be carried out to explain his perceived invulnerability.
Enraged by having a helmet attached to his head, Captain Concussion decided to take up a new career as a hero, taking out his newfound angst on criminals in a brutal and controversial manner. He was quickly hired by the supergroup The Circle of Jerks, and to date continues to work and support the group.
Recently, Captain Concussion has declared himself Paragon City's official game show host, a claim flatly rejected by city officials.
Contents |
Early Life
Boris Feltz grew up in a wealthy household in Meridian Hills, Indiana, where he developed a love for auto racing through his visits to Speedway, Indiana and the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. His parents, Bob and Maureen, worked as successful doctors, and showed their love for their son by throwing money at him until he stopped complaining. Unpopular as a rich brat, Boris Feltz remained reclusive, spending much of his time reading about business and the auto industry.
By the time Boris Feltz graduated from high school, he was already dead-set on his goal to attain an MBA and start his own business. His parents, infuriated at his lack of interest in becoming a doctor, cut ties with their son, and neither side has spoken to each other since this incredibly petty squabble. During the peak of his entrepreneurial success, Boris would continue to refuse to acknowledge or talk about his upbringing.
Entrepreneurship
A sudden loss of funds due to the rift with his parents forced Boris Feltz to attain his MBA from an unremarkable mail-order college. This, surprisingly enough, did not hamper his dreams.
Rather than start his own business, Feltz instead decided to focus on other businesses, and find ways to streamline their methods and increase profit. Gas stations were his primary target, as he offered companies ideas on how to turn a mere fill-up into a savory hang-out spot for drivers to enjoy during long road trips. His 'community spirit' focus, pitching ideas to get customers interested in meeting new people at a gas station, increased in-store profits dramatically for his clients. Gas companies began bidding wars over his services, for both his ideas and support as a spokesman for their company to appease investors. Feltz's innovation and success garnered him much insider attention, and by age 24, he was a multi-millionaire.
Despite his success, Feltz was also responsible for some of the most ridiculed gaffes in marketing, including several cheesy commercial pitches, and a gigantic Angus beef/Bison meat/bacon cheeseburger known as the Buffalo Burger, in which customers were encouraged to "Ride The Buffalo" and purchase an expensive and disgustingly unhealthy food product. Some comedians credited the Buffalo Burger with creating a new wave of vegetarians during its short lifespan.
Auto racing
At age 26, Boris Feltz had grown tired of thinking up new innovations for gas stations. He pulled out of the industry in April 2002, citing his desire to fulfill his dream of becoming a race car driver. The first Rikti War broke out shortly thereafter, canceling every major racing series for the year. A frustrated Feltz did what he could to avoid the impact of the war, while contacting race shops in the hopes of buying his way into a ride once the war was over.
Feltz finally got his chance at a May 2003 race in Michigan, driving an unsponsored #65 car in a second-tier stock car racing series. He crashed only thirty laps into the race, in a wild accident that sent his car tumbling into shreds, collecting several other cars in the process. This streak of horrific accidents continued in future races, and as Boris Feltz swapped between stock cars, late models, open wheel cars, and quarter-midgets, the result was almost always the same, with a chaotic and vicious accident ending his race prematurely.
Banishment
In September 2003, organizers from every major racing organization got together, and agreed to ban Boris Feltz from any future races for the safety of their talented drivers. Despite Feltz's protests, this effectively ended his auto racing career.
Hero registration
During a physical scheduled in October 2003, Boris Feltz's condition suddenly became of great interest to the medical community. Analyzing post-accident examinations from his races, doctors found that Feltz had suffered injuries consistent with at least seventeen cases of severe head trauma during his racing career, eleven of a severity that could send a person into a coma. Yet, these injuries did not appear to affect Feltz in the slightest, as if his body was oblivious to the reality of his condition. At worst, Feltz's personality became a little quirkier than usual, losing some of his deadpan-serious business demeanor in favor of a more freewheeling attitude chock with dry humor. During several appointments after this analysis, doctors would jokingly refer to Feltz as Captain Concussion, due to his apparent inability to suffer a normal head injury.
Feltz was flown to Paragon City, where tests were performed using cutting-edge machinery to try and explain how he was still alive. The results indicated nothing unusual, and only served to further irritate a disinterested Feltz. There was no residual magic, no meta-human mutations, and nothing out of the ordinary biologically. Confounded and frustrated, a team of doctors and medical experts decided that the best solution for the time being was to lock a protective helmet onto Feltz's head, preventing any further injuries until more tests could be devised. The helmet was attached to an unconscious Feltz under the guise of 'emergency surgery,' and had enough security locks on it to prevent him from removing the helmet himself, which doctors agreed he would do almost immediately given the chance.
Feltz, enraged by the indignity of his situation, stormed out of the hospital shortly after the 'surgery,' and took out his aggression on a Hellion gang member idiotic enough to mock his ugly new helmet. This catharsis of sorts inspired Feltz, and he decided to follow the hot new trend of registering as a super-powered hero. As a natural-origin hero, the newly-branded Captain Concussion found great pleasure in throwing punches at criminals and anyone who got in the way of his assigned tasks.
Almost immediately after registering, Captain Concussion came across The CEO of Earth, and after a brief discussion, joined The Circle of Jerks as a willing urban vigilante.
Powers
Captain Concussion's ability to take a tremendous beating is his main strength, and over time he has honed both this and his fighting skill. Paragon City classifies his abilities as an Invulnerability/Super Strength Tanker. Really, though, leaving the description at just that wouldn't be any fun.
Apparent invulnerability
Captain Concussion, while not completely invincible, can take a severe body-destroying pounding before requiring medical attention. As it would turn out, the same mysterious ability that allows Cap Conc to survive head injuries extends to the rest of his body as well. Bullet wounds, burnt skin, and broken bones, while certainly unpleasant, will not tremendously hamper Captain Concussion's ability to stand and fight. It is noteworthy to point out that there are likely exceptions to this perceived invulnerability, such as ripping his body to shreds or breaking his bones into a fine powder within his body, but in most cases Cap Conc either avoids these gruesome situations or medivac-ports out before anyone has a chance to turn his body into an experiment of pain.
Additionally, there may be some regenerative capability within Captain Concussion's body, but whether this is just his bones mending especially well or actual superhuman ability is unknown.
Abnormal strength?
As Captain Concussion has improved his fighting abilities, some of his punches appear to pack enough strength behind them to convince observers that he possesses superior strength. However, in all likelihood this is part of Cap Conc's ability to ignore bodily pain, and throw punches that can strain and damage his muscles and bones. Such idiotically self-destructive attacks occur more often when Captain Concussion is pissed off, as he flies into spastic flurries of rage.
Two significant exceptions to the above rationale exist, and remain only partially explained. Cap Conc can throw down a foot stomp powerful enough to knock over enemies, and he can also run at super-human speeds. Captain Concussion typically likes to attribute this to "really good shoes," but whether this is a nod to technology developed within The Circle of Jerks or simply an unwillingness to understand his own powers is unknown.
Development
Since the initial Hellion punch that started his career as a hero, Captain Concussion has honed both his appearance and fighting skill. While he started his career clad only in a flak jacket, blue jeans, fingerless gloves, and the trademark ugly helmet, Concussion soon upgraded this look into an all-black appearance, with custom-made slacks, shoulder pads, and a plain black cape. Beyond the protective helmet, none of the costume served much of a purpose during combat, but it did look really damn cool.
As Concussion found new and exciting ways to punch criminals, he accepted almost any task given to him by the city's various contacts, not being picky in who or what deserved an angry beating. The Freedom Phalanx, however, irritated Concussion, as he perceived their heroes as "uptight figureheads that give ugly roman numeral badges," and refused to assist them until hitting Security Level 50.
Breaking of the helmet
Upon the realization that his helmet was thrashed, Captain Concussion ran through the streets screaming in sheer joy, waking and annoying much of Paragon City's civilian population in the process. He then proceeded to get a proper haircut, shaved around his chin, and had a slab of ribs[1]. During this time period, Captain Concussion was rarely seen wearing his trademark helmet. It probably sat in a corner somewhere, unloved for being such a damn ugly helmet.
Temporary retirement
As months progressed after his rise to Security Level 50, Captain Concussion's skill began to wane. Whereas at one time he could let a church full of vile demons surround him and survive the onslaught, now he had issues with even a handful of Council with guns. The pressure and stakes were building, and yet Cap Conc's ability to rise to the challenge waned.
In reality, though he was doing all he could to ignore it, months of intense crime fighting were taking their toll on Concussion. Several of his bones, most notably in the legs and lower arms, were shattered in multiple places. How he could actually still move and function in this condition is a mystery in itself, and you probably shouldn't think about it too much, you nitpicking rube. Realizing that his heroic star was beginning to fade, Concussion backed out of the spotlight for a while, letting newer, less significant heroes die to criminal threats.
Rumor has it that during this time, Captain Concussion decided to pack his things and move to Los Angeles, California, in the hopes of becoming a famous game show host. The truth is that the rumor was entirely true, and that the author just wanted to say "Rumor has it" once in this article.
Second Rikti War
To say Captain Concussion was a monumental force in stopping the Rikti during their second invasion would be a hilarious lie. In reality, he mostly ran around punching any Rikti dumb enough to try and attack him, all while screaming, "JERK FORCE!"
Despite his uselessness, the second Rikti War could very well be considered the turning point in Captain Concussion's career, in which he began to serve a useful purpose again after his wasted time in Los Angeles. Mind you, he still was almost no help during the war, but the constant battles and warfare motivated him to actually look around for tasks and criminals that he could deal with.
Technological developments
Despite all this rampant inanity, a realization did surface. For Captain Concussion to survive and maintain marketing potential, he would need to repair and don his helmet again. Furthermore, he would have to look into actual technological advancements to keep himself from dying a horrible death, despite working in a city where only drama whores and unimportant civilians die horrible deaths.
Enter Captain Concussion's new look. After two months of actual training on how to properly throw punches, Cap Conc used his retirement fund from his entrepreneurial days to build a gleaming white tuxedo, lined with the finest in Impervium Armor. Combined with his ugly refurbished helmet, Cap Conc was ready to fight crime while looking stunning enough to host that new game show that'll last all of four weeks on a network. You know which one I'm talking about. There's always one.
Abusing time travel
After being entrusted with 'the secret everyone knows is Ouroboros and Lord Nemesis', Captain Concussion used the power of time travel to fight all the crime that he had unintentionally let slip through his fingers during his early hero days. A bout with insomnia and his usual brutal methods closed those ugly gaps in time right up in a matter of days.
With no new cases to undertake in the crime fighting department, Cap Conc started using the power of the Pillar of Ice and Flame to attend old Indycar races, including many years of the Indianapolis 500 he missed due to not being born yet. Lacking an actual ticket to these races, he is forced to kill a random spectator[2] and steal their ticket. While Captain Concussion hasn't noticed anything awry in the present day due to this innocent murder spree, if you happen to blink out of existence because one of your parents or grandparents was a racing fan in the wrong place at the wrong time, do accept Concussion's apologies.
Personal life
When he's not doing any of that crap, Captain Concussion is either asleep, or editing a Wiki entry to make himself look far more powerful than any non-signature hero rightfully should. I once blinked and kept my eyes closed, and the world almost ceased to exist. It was a terrible feeling, and you should be thankful I don't reconsider giving it a second shot.
Controversy
That said, let's actually drop back into a tone that isn't breaking the fourth wall, and discuss this properly.
Protesters
On numerous occasions, protests have been held in an attempt to get Captain Concussion's hero license revoked. Despite all the obvious angsty villains pretending to be heroes in Paragon City, there is a substantial movement against Concussion for his harsh treatment of criminals. Unlike many heroes, who honorably believe in "innocent until proven guilty," Captain Concussion believes in the honorable ideology of "punched until motionless."
On occasion, protesters have confronted Concussion, hoping to either convince him to change his ways, or just get in his face and yell really loudly. Either method usually ends up resulting in a minor riot, which is subsequently put down by hero Captain Concussion, his peaceful ideology of "punched until motionless" coming through to save the day.
Breaking the fourth wall
A nearly-essential requirement for becoming a member of The Circle of Jerks is being able to see beyond the veil of reality. Yes, those are pixels, polygons, textures, and none of this is real. Some people don't like being told their pretend world is just that, and throw hissy fits when Jerks like Captain Concussion make references and jokes that quite clearly break the fourth wall.
As you can tell, the same fourth wall-breaking principle is being applied to this very article. Such is our ways.
Paragon City's official game show host
Just before his temporary departure to Los Angeles, Captain Concussion declared himself Paragon City's official game show host, and proceeded to host several short-lived game shows within Paragon City, such as Hollow-Wood Squares, City of Game Show, and City of Game Show: Hamidon Raid edition. Paragon City authorities took sharp exception to Concussion's declaration, and quickly released a statement declaring that not only was Captain Concussion not Paragon City's official game show host, but that there was no such position as an official game show host within Paragon City.
Trivial Footnotes
- ↑ This is a lie -- Captain Concussion hates ribs, and I'm insulted that you thought he enjoyed such a barbaric food.
- ↑ Sure, he could just knock out the spectator, but it's just easier to kill them so they don't wake up and complain. Plus, it's not like the menders are paying any attention. What're you going to do, NARC out over a couple dozen races? Sheesh.
