Goblin (Imperial)

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Goblins of many different sorts have found their way to the primal timeline and to Paragon or the Isles from time to time. One sort of Goblin in particular are the "Imperial" Goblins which come from the world Portal corp officially calls Tau theta 8-13 also known as Goblinhammer. This alternate earth has had a radically different development then Primal earth, in many ways and would be nearly unrecognisable from a visitor from primal earth. Their proper latin species name is shared with their proper high-gobbish name, "Homo Viridi Imperialis".



Goblins from Goblinhammer are humanoid and stand on average to be about 3'3" tall. They have hardly any body fat, and tend to be very lean. All goblins have solid color black eyes with microscopic compound lenses allowing the goblin to have full 180 degree field of view at all times. Their ears are pointed with females having much longer pointed ears then males.

Internally they're quite different from humans. They have two livers which are used to process diets rich in sugar and protein. This also has a side-benefit of giving them a severe tolerance for Alcohol, as they like to put it "The only thing that can drink a goblin under the table is a dwarf. And only if the Goblin has a head start". Their intestinal system is simpler, limiting their ability to eat grains and vegetables. They also have an Organ within their brain, a "Third-eye" the function of which is to access latent psychic abilities. These manifest in the form of faith-based psionic abilities as well as fueling Goblin Technology.

In addition, Goblins can enter a phase known as the "waaaugh" or "Battle rage". During this phase they will frenzy attacking anything they perceive as a threat. It takes a severe force of will to stop a Goblin in the throws of a waaaugh. During such a state they feel no pain and are reckless, their eyes also glow bright red.

Goblins tend to give birth in "Broods" of two-to-six children. Said children are born with teeth and can eat meat right out of the womb. Goblins do lactate after giving birth, but only tend to breastfeed the youngest and weakest of their brood.

The Four Castes

Goblins are born in one of four castes, these are physiologically different from one another although all castes may interbreed. All of the caste names end in "Boy" and the plural traditionally is a Z rather then an S following the convention of Low Gobbish.

The Brainboy caste has larger, denser brains then any of the other castes. They possess an eidetic memory and are unable to forget any skill or fact they have learned. This comes at a cost however and they are physically weak compared to the other castes. As well their senses can be overwhelmed quite easily. More inquisitors hail from the Brainboy caste then any other, owing to the extreme rarity of them falling to chaos.

The Workboy caste is strongest of the four, however they are also the dumbest. They instinctively follow any order given to them by any member of another caste. They only disobey if immediate needs such as food or water interfere or if enough workboyz are angry enough to collectively waaaugh. During the period of Orkish enslavement, workboy revolts were common enough that the caste was almost slaughtered to extinction. Very few Workboyz rise to prominence, those who do usually are appointed (by the other castes no less) to lead their fellow Workboyz.

The Warboy caste have the unique ability to force the waaaugh upon other goblins. They inevitably become warlords or military leaders, in the era of Orkish enslavement they were used as shock-troops for this reason. Warboyz are a deadly combination of strong and smart, almost wholly suited for combat. The Imperial Guard's Officer class are entirely Warboyz.

The Tekboy caste, also known as the Oddboy or Madboy caste, are the sole source of goblin technology. Their third eye organ is hyper-developed allowing their psychic abilities to weave new technologies. However, the opening this organ gives also opens them to the Warp. As such, they cannot retain their sanity, although they are not as likely to fall to Chaos as a mage would be. Tekboys are the only caste to reject the standard Imperial religion (known as the Goblin Ecclesiarchy) in favor of the "Cult Mechanicus" which states that the Emperor was a being of pure logic who commanded machines.


Goblin culture is fairly homogenistic. The state religion known as the Goblin Ecclesiarchy controls all aspects of goblin culture from a distance. It keeps an ever-vigilant eye on heresy through its closely-tied sister-organization the Inquisition. This is because Heresy could mean chaos cults which could threaten the Empire as a whole.

To this end, religion nearly dominates the culture. Worship of the God-emperor is the forefront of every loyal goblin's mind. Many great works of art depicting the Emperor have been commissioned by the church and vast choirs of goblins singing praises to the Emperor can be heard in cities across the empire during feast-days.

However the Church does see the merit in approving other forms of art from time to time. Lately several tekboys stumbled upon new forms of musical instruments. This has caused a sort of musical revolution in the Empire as young children learn to play the steam-piano or the electric violin. Bands such as Green or the Crusaders are transmitted to millions of goblin homes via the radio. Other popular bands include Da Goff Rokkas and Deium Imperalius.


Goblins have Two languages, High Gobbish and Low Gobbish. High Gobbish is the Ancient tounge of Goblins revived by the Emporer at the end of the era of Orkish Enslavement. Low gobbish is the tongue of enslavement; it is a mishmash of English, Orkish, High Gobbish, and some Dwarvish. Low gobbish tends to continue to the be the language of the masses and tradesmen, while high gobbish is the language of the church and the government.

Example phrase:

English: Kill them all. The Lord will know His own.

High gobbish: Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.

Low gobbish: Slag all tha' grotz! Da Empra will know 'is.


In addition to being a species, Imperial Goblins have a unified government known as the Goblin Imperium. This Imperium is ruled in theory by the God-Emperor of Goblinkind, but he's been in a magical coma for a number of millennia so in matter of fact the "High Lords of Goblinkind" an oligarchical collective rule on his behalf. These High Lords of Goblinkind consist of the following.

The High Commander of All Goblin Forces

The Lord high generals of the Imperial Guard and the Imperial Navy

The Grand Inquisitor of the Inquisition

The Big Mechanic of the Machine Cult

The Ecclesiarch of the Holy church of the Emperor

The Abbess of the Sisters of Battle (Currently vacant by law a new abbess cannot be named until the previous abbess is found. And she has been missing for 200 years.)

The Esteemed Grand-boss of the Workboy commune

Ties and deadlocks are broken by the High Commander's vote. This gives the Military the greatest stake in government. In the original constitution, the Chapter Commanders of the 'ardsuit marines were supposed to choose one of their own to serve as a high lord. But after the Age of Confusion they ceded that power to the High Commander thus giving rise to the current situation.


Tekboys arn't the only goblins capible of using psychic powers. With the proper training groups of goblins can focus together to form physical manifestations of power. These "Shows of faith" are a common practice amoung military units associated with the Church and can be used to great effect to heal or hinder.

In addition, goblins make excellent mages but there lies a problem. All magic in Goblinhammer comes from the Warp, a realm of madness and chaos. Goblins through their third eye organ are one of the races that are most vulnerable to curruption by the warp. Goblin mages are some of the most powerful in the world but their sanity does not last. All goblins known to practice magic must submit themselves in service either to the Inquisition, the Cult Imperius, or the Imperial Guard or be considered Witches to be hunted down and killed by the Inquisition.


Goblin technology is a bit of a misnomer. The devices only work for goblins as it requires the use of their third eye organ. Their technology doesn't even need to follow the laws of physics, and in fact can seem to be completely impossible to work. However if a tekboy duct-tapes some bullets to a tube and calls it a gun, it becomes imbued with an echo of how the tekboy believes it to function. Any goblin who uses it will use that echo and the device will function, but only if a tekboy makes it function. Given the Tekboy caste's tendency for unstable personalities, most goblin technology operates on faulty theories and operating principles practically made up on the fly.

This is partly why the Inquisition prefers to adapt purchased or stolen technologies from other races when possible.


All dates are listed as Before First Contact with primal earth, goblins owing to the Brainboy caste's precise records use such relative dating systems in place of a formal calender. Primal Contact took place on January 30th 2012.

Estimated 550,000 years BFC: The Old Ones' empire rules all of Goblinhammer, they construct a vast subterranean cavern system to habitate.

Approximately 150,000 years BFC: The Old Ones had their final contact with Goblinhammer before mysteriously vanishing. According to Elven legend they created Orks and Goblins to fight some sort of coming threat that they died before its arrival. It is unknown if this gambit succeeded (or indeed if this coming threat even arrived) but the dissqpearance of the Old Ones marks the formation of most of Goblinhammer's current state of political affairs. The Orks spread quickly throughout the empty Old Ones land, and began making inroads into the Old Elven lands. Elven scholars call this "The time of Sorrows". Goblin Scholors mark this as "The age of beginning". It is around this time the first Humans began to appear. These humans were clever but not particularly magically inclined and began to reverse-engineer various Old Ones' inventions allowing them to advance quickly.

Approximately 100,000 years BFC: The Old Ones' caverns have been distorted by natural seismic and hydrological processes, they've ceased to be orderly but are still home to hundreds of millions of Orks, Goblins, and Dwarves.

12,010 BFC: Goblin written records begin, this is because the Orks had burned all goblin libraries prior to this. Previous knowledge was written sparsely by Brainboyz who remembered them. They wrote that prior to this point 3 great goblin nations ruled the underground, driving the Dwarves to side with the Humans. Their intellect and cleverness were their downfall however as their hubris created the fourth chaos god known as Slaanesh out of the self-satisfaction and safety lead many goblins to a path of extreme excess which fed this god. The chaos-storms disrupted goblin technology and magics, without which the Orks invaded. This is the goblin "Age of Strife" as they were enslaved by these Orks for thousands of years.

9,190 BFC: Chaos' begins manifesting Daemons materially. These early Daemons were weak by today's standards but they cultivated cults and worship. Their wars with each other and with the civilized races (and the Orks) scarred the lands.

7,355 BFC: The first successful rebellion of goblins against their orkish masters. A number of Tekboyz found an Old Ones' workshop surprisingly intact. There they entrenched and began to form the Cult Mechanicus, the cult of the machine. Before the Emperor's rise, these were the only goblins who spoke high-gobbish.

6,101 BFC: The Second successful rebellion of Goblins against their orcish masters. A few goblins managed to escape the Orkish Tunnels into the surface where they altered a number of stolen Human balloons into the first Goblin Zepplins. These "Freeboota's" became well known as a community of pirates and vagabonds.

5,832 BFC: The goblin known only to history as the Emperor of Goblinkind is born. His birth was marked with the dieing of various Warp storms in the underground, in fact some of the land that had previously fallen into the Daemon-worlds of the Warp returned on the day of his birth. He was taken by goblin Shamans hidden away early in his life.

5,826 BFC: A chaos-tainted orkish cult stumbles upon the Goblin Emperor who at the young age of six fought them back with holy magic. This magic was strangely not driven from the Warp. The shamans in awe dropped to their knees and began to worship their young charge. They would eventually become the Primarchs of the 'Ardsuit Marines.

5,825-5,800 BFC: The Emperor consolidated his forces in a secret cult among goblins. One of every brood of his followers' children were tithed to the Emperor to be trained as warriors.

5,800 BFC: The Emperor left hiding, backed by the first 'ardsuit marines. Adopting the symbol of the Thunderbolt he marched on the Ork's holdings freeing his fellow goblins from their grasp.

5,800-5,715 BFC: The Great Crusade. The Emperor's forces, originally following the banner of the thunderbolt and later the Imperial Eagle, retook the lands of the 3 great goblin nations and all of the Orkish Tunnels.

5,714 BFC: Desperate to regain their standing and not to fall into irrelevancy, the Orkish Warmaster Grom hired human and Dwarvish mercenaries. These mercenaries themselves had various levels of Chaos corruption and would have marched against this new goblin threat regardless of pay. The Emperor launched a cunning plan. He negotiated and united the Freeboota's under Queen Skia and the Machine cultists under Enginseer Ratch. Between the two of them, they built the first Imperial Navy air-fleet in a mere six months. This drove back the mercenaries' "Cursed Brigade" in the great battle of Sky's End.

5,714-5,106 BFC: The Golden Age. The Emperor reigned, kept ageless by his strange holy magics and the worship of his followers. In this age all the Tekboyz began to be trained from birth by the Cult Mechanicus' originally to honor their part in Sky's End, and after that purely out of tradition.

5,592 BFC: The Emperor forms the Imperial Inquisition as an organization to fight internal dissent, weed out spies, and to combat daemonic infestation. These agents are given absolute authority, and are the only beings with the right to destroy an entire city within the empire.

5,105 BFC: The Horace Heresy. Horace, the Primarch of the Black Wolf Legion of 'Ardsuit marines enters open rebellion against the Emperor. He and half of the remaining primarchs had fallen to chaos and were able to hide it during the latter part of the Golden Age. They chose this time to attack with an army of daemons behind them. This plunges the Empire into an open civil war.

5,104 BFC: The final betrayal. The Emperor and a partially transformed daemon that was once Horace meet in personal combat. The Daemon is slain, the Emperor however was mortally wounded. The Cult Mechanicus and the College of Magics did have a solution, a golden throne that keeps the Emperor in a state of suspended animation until he can be healed and returned. The Emperor rests there to this day.

5,099 BFC: The remaining primarchs, having ruled in the Emperor's stead since his death, gives power over to Goblin Central Command for military duties and to the High Lords of Goblinkind for political duties. This forms the current governmental bodies of the empire.

4,452 BFC: The actual church of the Emperor is codified and becomes part of the Imperial government. This Ecclesiarchy begins to greatly influence imperial culture and daily life.

3,801 BFC: The head of the Ecclesiarchy becomes also the head of the administration of the Empire. He then uses this totality to consolidate control over the entire empire. This flares up as a brief civil war. The Ecclesiarchial forces were soundly defeated by the Imperial Army who in the aftermath fromed Imperial Central Command controlling both the 'ardsuit marines and the Imperial Army renamed the Imperial Guard. This tilted power strongly in favor of the Warboy caste as the primarily brainboy Ecclesiarchy was diminished in stature greatly.

3,800 BFC: Imperial Central Command declares that the Brotherhood of Battle is Heretical and that the Ecclesiarchy can have no "Men under arms". The Ecclesiarchy responds by forming the Sisters of Battle.

3,100-3 BFC: The Era of Peace. In the aftermath of the Elven Southern Court falling en-masse to chaos, the Northern Court seeks an alliance with the Goblin Empire. This marks a 3000 year era of Peace between the Goblins and the elves.

1,210 BFC: The Tyrant Locusts make their first appearance, seeming to come in from the skies, these locusts devour everything they come into contact with before flying back to the skies. They ravage food supplies and surface farms across goblinhammer.

940 BFC-present: Chaos' Black Crusade. Armies of Warp creatures and Chaos cultists march on all of the Civilized and Orkish territories in an effort to cause the whole world to fall into darkness. They make many early successes, and large swaths of goblinhammer become engulfed in Warp Storms.

420 BFC: The Human-Dwarf alliance declares the Goblin Empire to be viable trade partners, ending a ban on Goblin goods that lasted since the founding of the Empire. This is mostly done in response to the Alliance losing some of its own territory and wealth to the encroaching Chaos hordes and Tyrant Locusts. They refuse to enter into a full alliance with the Goblins as cultural differences and a severe underestimation of Chaos' true dangers prevents them from caring enough to do so.

3 BFC: The Elven Northern Court undergoes a change of Seasons and declares open warfare against the Goblin Empire. The new leaders cite the elven philosophy of the Long Game.

First Contact: Inquisitor Diz is shunted to Primal earth while following a Chaos Sorceror. Registers as s Hero shortly thereafter.

35 days after First Contact: Diz is an established hero on Primal earth, Dark Astoria falls to Mot's Reawakening. Diz leaves for Goblinhammer.

155 days after First Contact: Diz returns to primal earth with support from Imperial Command to establish a mission in primal earth.

List of Imperial Goblins

Diz the Goblin

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