Jessica Lynn Murdoc/Journal of Jessica Lynn Murdoc

From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe

• November 15th, 2010:

I have decided to keep a journal of my new life here so that you will know that I atleast tried. Ana, Victoria, Winter, and Tim I'm leaving this for you in hopes that you understand why I came back. I have not forgoten the mission, but Ana if I can stop that god damned message from ever being recieved I'm going to try. I have to laugh about this though... Because I'm not sure when you read this if we will have even met yet or at all. If we even will... Oh this is so confusing. Thinking about it too much will give just about anyone a head ache. Tim, you are the main reason I am writting this journal. I want you to know that I cared alot for you, but I had to go back. I had to know what he was like, where I came from... You didn't understand that, but I hope that you will. I know nothing of my parents except that my father was a murderer who died in a prison riot.

I met someone who may be a friend. Her name is Sierra, and reminds me of alot of you guys. She had a suit on, but had all these tattoos and piercings. I talked to her a bit and she seemed really polite. Met a few others here too, but not sure about some of them. Hard to know who can be trusted.

• November 18th, 2010:

I'm amazed at how ignorant some people are here in this time! Wasting food, water, and many seem to not care about much except themselves. You were right Ana. I should look at these people and treat them as if they were ghosts because that's what they are, what we all will be!!!

• November 21st, 2010:

I know by my last entry you probably thought I had given up hope. I almost had, but I remember what you told me Victoria about how hard things would be and that no matter what hope can not be taken from you unless you allow someone to take it from you.

Money's not too easy to come by here. I don't have any paper work and if they dig too hard or run prints they're gonna get a little girl in Boston popping up on the screen. Don't think to bad of me, but I did try to pick a few pockets. I met Rose who was lifting them at this interdimensional dance club. Sorry Victoria, I know you wouldn't have liked it. I have given that up though. I kept getting caught.

• November 25th, 2010:

It's Thanksgiving and I was feeling alone. No family other than my father, wonder what he did today? Almost tried to look one of you up here, but decided against it. Went to that club again and saw Sierra there talking to some guy. He didn't have anyone to spend the day with so she set us up on a date... I know what you are thinking about if you read this Tim. I know I've been here for a few weeks, but it is lonely here.

We went out to dinner and I bought a dress! It felt so nice to wear something and feel like a woman for once. To be able to relax and have a decent meal. I actually had steak! Real meat! Anyway, when I went to the club later I wore the dress and felt like shit. Just because for once I want to look nice I have to have some asshole hit on me! I just wanted to relax and enjoy a soda. Then these people come out of no where and call me a whore for looking prettier than they do! The fucking nerve! Like some sheep know what it's like huh Winter? So that was my first holiday here... Was going great, but trust a sheep to fuck it up...

• November 27th, 2010:

I've been bartending at the D as a volunteer. I get to keep the tips I make so now I have a more honest income. Some people give me some strange tips though. One fox woman gave me a ruby, another woman gave me a coin from the 10th century... May be valuable to some people, but the supermarkets just look at you funny when you hand them a ruby to pay for groceries and cigarettes. Anyway, I gave it to my friend Rose. She can probably get some money for it. I really don't know where to begin.

I met a little girl in Pocket D who was able to wish for anything and make it appear. She gave me quite a bit of money. I was worried when I looked around the bar that if in the wrong hands this child could do so much damage. I am trying to work with her, find out where her wishes come from. Who knows, maybe she would become one of us in the future. Could you imagine that Ana? We wouldn't have to worry about the books, the art, or music. Maybe she would even be powerful enough to help us regrow crops and end the hunger. Maybe even change the world where everyone wasn't a slave to those god damned bliss boxes. Maybe through her that fucking message would never be sent. I refuse to use her though. I am going to do what I can to help her use the powers for good. Christ Ana! Imagine what the government would do with such a child... There is still time. I won't give up hope that a difference can still be made.

• November 29th, 2010:

I saw that one man I had run into before. I know we were told to becareful of who we trust, but I feel he may be ally. He managed to get me some papers so I can work and not have to try and live off the grid... It is easier here, but still a pain in the ass. He asked me some quesitons and it's not as if I can say "Oh, I'm from the future and my papers here say I'm six years old!" now can I? I need to pick them up the day after tomorrow in Paragon. Then I can start buying more books and work at becoming a Social Worker. I see how some of these people live, and in the future I know it gets worse. Maybe there is something I can do now which will help in the future...

• December 10th, 2010:

I've been busy with alot, and havn't had time to write in here. I've got most of the books on the list, and they are well protected for now. I'll move them to the designated locations when I'm sure it's safe. I have a new identity now, and I don't want to blow it.

I met a woman calling herself Shrew. She has some scarring on her arms, and is dressed in some old and torn clothing. She works for a clinic in Saint Martial and told me recently that her team has put her on the medical staff. I have spoken with her several times at the Pocket D club, but she seems a little worn out at times... The scars on her arms concern me, but I'm being careful not to push her.

On another issue, when speaking with her I recieved a vision... I guess. Strange one, and I know I didn't go into the mind of anyone... Not sure what happened, but I am a bit paranoid. Not sure what they would do if they saw inside of my mind. If they knew I was from another time, what danger would that put me in?

• December 15th, 2010:

Been a long couple of days. Tried to help a man get a job at a bank in Saint Martial. Get him back on his feet. I bought him a suit and set him up with a room at the Giza. I was heart broken when he didn't get the job... I am also trying to help Shrew along with a pregnant woman who lives in the slums. That along with my mission is keeping me busy. I'm finding most of the books on my list, but trying to get the first editions isn't that easy on some of the older ones.

Reggie helped me out the other day. I found out that the Human Identity was going to be at Victoria's show in Paragon. I don't remember any of this happening. I was too little of course and Victoria may not have ever wanted to bring it up. I may have interfered with time, but maybe that's good... I don't know for certain. Hard to tell what my actions may have changed down the road. Will I live the same history over again, or an uncertain one with an unforeseen outcome? Time will only tell I guess.