From Unofficial Handbook of the Virtue Universe

((A collection of backstory vignettes assorted musings that may serve to help map my psychological profile when the murders start happening))

Entry of December 31st

((Wip))

Entry of January 3rd

“No, absolutely not.” Gabriel shouted and slammed his fists on the table. “The stress has unhinged you Jack, there is no other way to explain why you would make such an insane request. Let alone continue to argue for it.”

The four of us sit at a round wooden table in a charming little café in Founder’s Falls. As places for deep councils go, it works. My Irish coffee now soaks the white table cloth, but I didn’t feel more then a hint of annoyance. The drink wouldn’t have done me much good anyway. The implants in my liver would have metabolized the alcohol within seconds of it reaching my bloodstream. I’ve had to find… other ways to intoxicate myself as of late.

I looked over my shoulder to make sure we hadn’t been overheard, but that was simply reflex. Gabriel’s illusions are masterful. Everyone in the café saw four old ladies, talking politics and knitting and on the price of tea in China. I even smelled slightly of peppermint oil and that musky, earthy smell that seems to cling to the aged. Kell could have been sitting at the next table over and would never have known the truth… we think. We’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, not a lot of knowing. I looked into the faces of the other three technomancers and could see the strain they were under. They were the last members of an Order that prided itself on knowing all that could be known and most of all the rest, and yet today we were faced with the fact we know very, very little.

In my mind’s eye, I started to cycle through the dozen probes I had put in the little café so I could look at each of them in turn, while keeping my eyes on Gabriel. Eth, his pale blue skin like the sky on a winter’s day, was holding up the worst. Barely an Adept, he was younger than me and the last few weeks had been trying for him. He had believed in Gabriel, but his faith, like that of Thomas, had been tested by his master’s seeming failure. The whole Burning Hells debacle had shaken him to his core. He sipped his water with lemon, every gesture an exercise in control.

Aldin was clearly holding up the best. Every line on his ancient face seemed to radiate calm while he sipped his Earl Grey. We could have been talking sports, or his favorite subject, Lincoln, as opposed to one of the most evil technomancers of all time.

And then, somewhere in the middle, was Gabriel. My best friend, if people like us can have friends. He always seemed to have a perpetual frown on his face, a half formed line creasing his forehead. Whenever he gets angry, two creases form. Today there were three lines creasing his forehead. He was pissed. Any other day, I would have backed down. I couldn't today though. I had my marching orders.

“I too am concerned about the possibility of giving the Safe Havens techniques they could later use against us.” Eth added, his voice like a wind chime. I remember looking sideways at him sitting next to me before turning my gaze to Aldin, who just looked thoughtful.

This wasn’t going well. I needed all three of them to agree; so far I had… none.

“Look, I trust…” I began but Gabriel interrupted.

“Your trust is not at issue. Our trust of them is.”

“We haven’t given them reasons to trust us.”

“We have offered to help them many times. We have been willing to remove our probes from them despite being under no obligation to do so.” Aldin piped up before sipping his tea again.

“It doesn’t work like that Aldin. They’re pissed Gabriel put the probes on them to begin with. We’re not going to thank me for removing those probes. It was embarrassing to them and me.” I retorted.

“And they think I spend all my time sitting around watching their deviant little escapades? The ego these people have.” Gabriel replied with a smirk. My smirk. It’s a mirror of my own. Did I learn it from him or him from me? Is he becoming more like me or am I becoming more like him? Either way it is freaking me out a little bit.

“You’re one to talk about…” I remember speaking hotly before I clamped down on my words. Gabriel had just said that to get to me. Problem was it had worked. It always works. “Some things should remain private, Gabe. Some people need privacy.”

“Without privacy there can be no conspiracy.” Gabriel replied calmly. “I would really rather Not wake up and find my tech disabled with your friends standing around me.” He sipped his coffee and smiled, very, very slightly. I had flown all night to Detroit to get him some Tim Horton’s. Frankly I would have flown to the moon to get him some cheese if it would have improved his mood just slightly.

“Raina swears that they will not use the device against the rest of us. I trust her.”

“Your judgment where she is concerned is suspect my son.” Aldin said sadly.

“You’ve met her, and Jack and some of the others.” I looked him in the eye. “What do you think of them?”

“I think they are as trustworthy allies as we are likely to find.” Aldin admitted after a very long pause. “We have not always done well by them; misunderstandings have led to mistakes on both sides.”

“You say they are ‘trustworthy?’” Gabriel’s eyes narrowed behind his glasses “That’s not the same as saying you trust them.”

“I suppose it isn’t. But trust has to begin somewhere Gabriel. Occasionally we have to make a leap of faith, trust in our fellow man as Jack has learned to trust some of them. My vote, if this ever becomes a democracy, is to give them the knowledge they seek.”

I remember letting my features fall into its old poker face mask but I don’t think it fooled any of them. In the link between the four of us my joy and sense of accomplishment were apparent. I turned to Eth then, hoping to capitalize on my momentum.

“Eth, you met them as well, and I’m sure Gabriel gave you orders to… well to do your thing. What do you think?” But Eth just shook his head.

“I don’t trust them. There is darkness to their auras. A deep and terrible darkness under the surface of some of them, one of pain and anguish. They walk closer to the chaos then I can accept in an ally.”

Well that had been a kick in the gnads right there. But I couldn’t deny that he had a point. There was after all that time when Grim had summoned a demon in the magic room, or when Raina had been willing to break Kalius in two, or that time when they mind-wiped Matt, or that time… ok so there were a lot of times when they had skirted the line. But the four of us weren’t exactly ones to judge.

Still, in the strange gestalt that formed between us, I could feel my despair at the truth of Eth’s words. An eternity of silence seemed to follow, broken only when Aldin and Eth left for their own mysterious errands. I suspect they are looking into finding the other All Seeing Eye. I can only hope they are closer to their goals then I am to my own.

Gabriel sat there drinking his coffee, looking to all the world content. Music drifted over us as we sat for an hour, neither of us I think knowing what to say.

“I am sorry, I have done you evil and I cannot undo it.” He said at last. I don’t know what I expected him to say, but that wasn’t it.

“What?” I asked, wondering if maybe I was in fact drunk.

“It’s a quote from Isabelle’s favorite book. A magician makes a unicorn mortal, where she learns regret. Before that, she didn’t understand the concepts of regrets or love. I think Jack, you could have been truly happy if I had never made you a technomancer, and that is greater magic then any at my disposal.”

“I’m happy enough.” I replied stiffly. Gabriel looked at me with his penetrating eyes. I’ve written before when he does that I feel like I’m being X-rayed but this, it was like he was seeing me on some kind of quantum level.

“Bull. Shit.” Gabriel replied and I stared at him. Cursing wasn’t something I’d ever heard him do until that moment. As far as I knew he just didn’t know how. “You can lie to yourself Jack but not to me. I know your thoughts so don’t even try. Besides, happy people don’t try to blow themselves up in nuclear explosions.”

I froze up then. At that moment I convinced myself it was because I wanted to know how much he thought he knew, but that was just me deceiving myself.

“You and I both know, you only had a one in four chance of pulling off that stunt last night. Less than that probably. There were plenty of other good plans but you pushed for the one most risky to you. Even if it had been the only plan possible, you should have called Aldin to do it for you.”

“You sayin I’m tryin to off myself?”

“I think you are blinded by such a massive amount of guilt that you’ve lost perspective. I think you are trying to get others to punish you for your imagined crimes. And I think this path will eventually destroy you.” I don’t remember standing up or walking away but I there I was tearing out of the café, undoubtedly shocking patrons who saw only the façade of a lady with a walker. I was back in my room before I really came back to myself. On my dresser were a note and a gift, wrapped in blood red paper with silver ribbon.

“Arrange a meeting with Raina. I will talk to her and make my decision. Enjoy the book. Merry Christmas.” The note said simply. I’ve been sitting here for hours running the same mental focusing exercise, adding a term to the term proceeding it. I’m up to 2.2559*10^104 now. I haven't decided what I'm going to do about that note yet.

I'm guessing we will just have to see what we will see.